Monday, September 10, 2007

Advice From A Drunk Uncle

If you are in a relationship that's not quite right, a stronger commitment will make it SO MUCH WORSE.

If you are dissatisfied and a person tells you "After we're married, things will change", you might as well leave right now. Go get the shit you want from somewhere else. People don't act fuckin' better when they're married.

Marriage is the absolute worse institution in which to try to make things right after the fact. People let themselves go, become more obstinate, and generally don't give a fuck. There's no incentive. What's the punishment for fucking up? Being ALLOWED to be single again? HUR-muthafuckin'-RAY!!!

Communication is the key. Talk to people so that they can specifically identify why they hate you so much. Don't be vague. Speak your mind. Don't let people hate you for the wrong reasons.

If you are going to be in a committed relationship, please don't delude yourself. You settled. The chick/dude you really liked is with someone else. "The one that got away" got away from your mate too. Stop frontin', cozy up with your eighth choice, and make some stupid, marginal babies.

Borrowed pussy is better than bought pussy. Bought pussy is better than stolen pussy. I guess this goes for dick, too, though I have no idea why you'd have to buy dick.

Sanity is a special thing. Those that don't have it, don't know it.

Be Safe,


Blah Blah Blah said...

If someone isn't willing to make a go at it now when things are being decided on...then chances are that later...there won't even be a marriage. DUH!

I never had a first second or eleventh choice for getting married so whoever I marry is gonna be the only choice. Get me?!

Vague is only good if your the Vaguer and not the Vaguee.

onefromphilly said...

LMAO!!!! OK.

That's all I got, I can't even come up with a comment.... LOL

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

Advice from a slightly sober Aunt...

Don't Listen to you Uncle...He's Drunk and has no idea what he's talking about.

I got some happily married couples who are still relatively good looking with healthy sex lives I'd like to introduce you to when you have some time!

ChezNiki said...


Where I do agree with Uncle on one or two points, marriage involves commitment to the other person and to the relationship (institution) itself. Most people have one without the other...

Tell Uncle to lay off the sauce, kay?

1969 said...

Damn...what was unc drinking? LOL

proacTiff said...

Clearly you had to be sober to relay this shyt back to the blog. Or was it chased up in transition?

Unk speaking to Neph' bout the foundation of marriage, eh. Interesting. =)

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

I married my 1st choice and it didn't work out maybe I was his 4th choice and she was his 5th choice and now they are making choices together with her 3 marginal babies...whatchugotfordat??

Knockout Zed said...

Lest you hate me for the wrong reasons, let me communicate more clearly.

This is advice I'll give to my nephews and nieces when I'm drunk enough to tell them the truth.

WTF? There is ALWAYS one that got away. Everytime. You settle, everytime. Anything else is bullshit.

You know I'm right.

Marriage is a sham. I've met enough shammers to know.

Uncle will NOT EVER lay off the sauce!!!

Prolly single malt scotch.

Just letting off a warning shot to my siblings' progeny. Doing what I can.

My first choice was a basket case. My second choice was a nymphomanic imbecile. My third choice was otherwise engaged. I married my fourth choice.

No marginal babies as of yet. Keep your fingers crossed.


Liv For Me said...

Sanity is soooo fucking overrated...

Angel said...

hmmmm...something i've been thinking about recently. i'm about to embark down the golden path of homeownership and of course the marriage question caused a minor blip on the radar. i hear and agree with plenty you're saying zeddy. but i'm more concerned about how we as women get scared and feel like we don't have a choice but to "settle" if we do want to have the fairytale ending (kids, home, vacations, timeshares, etc.)... :-/