Anybody that knows me knows that I hate almost everything. There is very little that brings actual joy to my life. It makes for a pretty miserable existence, but it's all I have.
I wanna try self-delusion. I want to immerse myself in it, to BE deluded. I'm not just saying this shit, I mean it.
I abhor small talk. Yet everytime I walk into the restroom, or a conference room, or just down the hall, I'm inundated with mundane, uninteresting conversation. If I could adapt my mind to want it, covet it, and absorb small talk, I'd be happier.
Then again, like everything else that I love, it would probably elude me if I really wanted it. If I craved small talk, I'd never get it. It would another one of those things (like more money, blowjobs, a career I like, etc.) that I just can't seem to get. But that could be a strategy, too.
If I actually desired getting hit on by trailer park chicks, being underpaid and overqualified, being asked overfamiliar favors by people I barely know, being told too much information by strangers and taking horses to water and trying to make them drink (a.k.a. supervising staff), then I could avoid them altogether. They'd pass me the fuck by.
It would be one huge mind game with the universe.