Well, I had my interview yesterday in the outer regions of Chicagoland. It was excruciatingly painful. Bad interview, my Africans. Bad interview.
I drove around the city for a few hours prior to the interview trying to familiarize myself with a few of the environs. All the while I kept this stinging sensation through my clavicle every few minutes. Everytime I thought about going into the interview, these sensations would run through me like a jolt. I'm the cat with the recurring dreams (fist fights, report card is coming home, sitting in class for a final exam) about lack of preparation. I was deathly afraid because I knew I was unprepared. I always count on my bullshittery to get me by, so I tend to do impromptu speeches and presentations. So far, pretty mediocre results. But I'm too lazy to prepare properly so I must not care enough to do better.
When it was finally time for the interview, they give me a written evaluation beforehand. I was supposed to write a solution to a specific problem they had in the city, based on my knowledge of the city. Hell, if it wasn't for Garmin I wouldn't even know where the city was. Now they were asking for my evaluation of one of their specific problems? Fuck this place. I wrote a flowery, bullshit filled narrative of my experience in similar situations and a rose colored guideline on how I'd get around this problem if it were mine.
When the actual interview was conducted, I was at the head of the table with seven people lobbing grenades at me. This has really been par for the course, so this didn't surprise me. This dude at the end of the table had a nervous twitch that made him blink a lot in a very distracting way, so I couldn't look at him. Then, this female homunculus who right off the bat didn't like me, started every follow up question with "So you didn't really...." "So you weren't really..." Bitch, I'm second in command of the department I'm in. No I didn't really do shit. I really delegated that shit. You are the deputy city manager. What did YOU really do? What do you really write?
When it ended they asked if I had any questions. I was just glad that shit was over. Seven people with about 10 questions each. All of 'em were basically "Can you remember an instance where you had to..." That shit is not insightful. It's grueling and fucked up. I didn't wanna ask them shit. I had a few canned responses, because at that point I really just wanted to leave. I'd be surprised if I got the job.
Be Cool,
KZ
10 comments:
I hate interviews. The whole process is so stupid. Don't these people know that you're selling yourself and you are going to basically tell them what they want to hear? I wish interviewers would be more original. You know like, "Have you ever fucked anyone on the job?"
Of course in your case you could say, "No, but my big boss did. We have the text messages to prove it."
@Terry
If they'd asked me if I'd ever fucked anybody on the job, I'd be sunk. Just like the Kwamester.
The last question they asked me was if I'd ever done anything that if revealed would bring embarrassment to the city. I couldn't tell them about the time I got arrested getting a blowjob in a public place. If they dig and find out about it, that's on them. Fuck 'em.
KZ
I hate panel interviews. This is the main reason why I'm not an academic librarian. How about each person hurls those questions at you and then you have to do a mock class library orientation.
What if your interview is the best they've had throughout the whole recruitment process?
I love those kinds of interviews, because usually by the end of the interview I just find a way to direct my anger back at them and accuse them of hiding the REAL reason they are hiring someone...with questions like, have you had any legal actions brought against you? what do you think the last person who left would say about their employment with you?
or my all time favorite...What is it that makes you stay dedicated to this particular project/company with so many other options out there.
Well the good news is that it's usually when you care the less they like you the most!
I hate gang interviews. It's like they thrive on mob mentality.
They will probably offer you the job, just because you didn't say "fuck all y'all".
...being jobless is boring as hell.
Just my two cents.
Day 3 and I have no fucking idea what to do!
Two trips are in the plans tho...just waiting on that damn severance!...lol...sorta
At least you are looking for work, I turned down an interview for tomorrow...interfered with my ANTM time.
The only thing worse than being interviewed is interviewing someone. I listen to these people bullshit me and it's exhausting.
Interviews fkn suck.
I did a few months of interviewing after I quit my job, thinking that I 'just needed something less stressful'...
After answering 101 questions about why I wanted to take a few steps DOWN the ladder in 101 interviews, I think I began to throw my interviews on purpose, in order to avoid the personality-crushing corporate world.
Screw the establishment, and get to brainstorming about sh!t you like to do... like writing! *still hinting, lol*
Then again, don't listen to my borderline vagrant ass. I've had manager in my title for like 5 years, and I'm about to go waitress for sh!ts and giggles. You should've made sure that the person you fked on the job had a lot of money, LOL
i hate panel interviews. what i hate worse than panel interviews are interviews with all the applicants sitting at the table with the panel interview. i had one of those years ago. it was the worst thing ever.
A panel interview? I would wet my panties during and my thoughts would only be of how I'm going to make my exodus without them seeing the big pee stain.
I'm an admitted verbal dyslexic. Even on phone interviews. Can we just have text interviews in the future?
If the written evaluation is to be done in that little college "Blue Book" for essay tests, I would have aced that shit.
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