What A Crazy Year It's Been

This post is a little late because of my lack of internet access at TAD's crib. Oh TAD, am I gonna ever get you to the 21st century? Crazy kid!

Anyway, I've been in Detroit since yesterday and driving back to Satan's Anus was no small task. The roads were extra slippery and I witnessed THIRTEEN accidents. I was shook. This is my first winter with Gretchen, and since I'm used to having the massive SUV, I was slightly intimidated.

Overall, Christmas was good. I got a new briefcase filled with the greatest stuff in the world from TAD. I was pleasantly surprised that she took advantage of that Amazon wishlist, because she got me some obscure beats and books that I'd been wanting forever. Plus a buncha coffee which I'm partaking of as I write.

And TAD? She got engaged...










I engaged the fuck outta her. Trust me when I say I tried, tried like hell to get a decent, unblurry pic of that ring. It refuses to be photographed properly.

That shit happened on Christmas eve.

The next day we went visiting and shit. Family stuff, where TAD and I had to tell everybody "the story", even when we disagreed on what "the story" was. We got two different versions of it, so that'll confuse the kids one day.

We did a lot of fun shit which mainly consisted of visiting friends and family and going to the bookstore a lot.

On New Year's Eve we were going to go to my boy Hutty's crib for his annual soirée, but the weather didn't cooperate, so we stayed home and smooched. And TAD got all domestic and cooked gumbo.
Which I enjoyed (and am still enjoying) immensely.

This year I went from a SUV driving, dreadlocked, bad credit having cynic to a sedan driving, afroed, decent credit who believes the future just might not be so bad. Who'd a thunk it?

Be Cool,
KZ

Rabbits

Hey y'all, what's new?

I just got back from Detroit this morning. It's always an adventure to get off the road and right into work. When I drive in 2 hours, I get to work on time. When I'm 15 minutes away, I'm late. What the fuck is that?

Needless to say I had a good weekend. I was there from Thursday to Monday, so you can tell I didn't wanna leave. I had a opportunity to eat lunch with TAD on Friday, which is a treat. If I still worked in Downtown Detroit, that would be a common activity, now it's extra special. I spent some time walking around looking at shit I helped to build. I always have a sense of pride about that when I'm in Detroit. I was telling TAD I feel no attachment to anything I helped build in Satan's Anus.

While looking at the city, I was actually able to walk into Henry The Hatter (where pimps, players and prophets have bought hats since 1893) and buy a hat off the shelf. I'd been trying to buy a hat in Satan's Anus for 2 years and they kept talking about special ordering shit because I have an ENORMOUS head. I walk into this store, and I told the lady behind the counter, "I have a problem, more like a situation...." She said, "I know your problem. I'm looking at it. Your head is big." God bless her.

I picked the color I wanted and jetted. It took about 10 minutes. Fuckin' Satan's Anus.

We exchanged gifts. We gave each other a price limit, which means I had to use my imagination. TAD knocked it out the park. My gift sucked. I really thought I had some shit too!

Saturday we tried to recreate the first date somewhat. Muthafuckas ruined it. The restaurant rented out their space to a private party, complete with wack DJ. It was similar to the first date, except I got lucky. REAL lucky. LOL.

On Sunday we almost got into a horrible accident. I was driving in the left lane going about 40. The other car was in the right lane next to me, a little ahead of me, and decided to make a u-turn without looking to see if anyone was driving in the left lane. I skidded on the brakes and came within a hair of killing that idiot. He had the nerve to look at me as if I initiated that shit. He drove off without even making the turn. Fuckhead.

We kept driving as I tried to calm my nerves and I got a chance to show TAD where I grew up and saw where her mother grew up. Me and Momma TAD both came up from the streets. We on that hard knock shit!

No rabbits were harmed in the making of this weekend.

Peace,
KZ

The Sweetest Day

Hola, muthafuckas! This is the end of my work week. I'm taking Friday off and I'll be hangin' in the D. In the midwest, Saturday is Sweetest Day, which quite frankly didn't mean shit to me until last year. I'll be celebrating the one year anniversary of my first date with the anointed one, Young T.A.D. up in this piece.

Time kinda flew, but then again it didn't. Shit, I'm IN the relationship, so I know how hard it is to keep one afloat, especially a long distance one. But it's working, working like a muthafucka.

I'mma try to recreate the first date completely, including the hot sex. (Just kidding, sweetie!!!) If her ex calls like he called on the first date, I'mma hafta ride on an African.

One year in, I have to look at the future. It looks bright but I still don't know where we are going to land, here in Michigan or elsewhere.

The one thing you can take from this is that I love her more than The Low End Theory, and that's saying something.

Be Sweet,
KZ

P.S. Next Tuesday will be like Christmas for me. Don't sleep!!!

Bad Poetry Day

Second Sun

Oh how I love the warm glow of that giant yellow orb.
I bask in it and I breathlessly await
the for the next time my planet rotates
and I see it again.

Everything's peachy when I can
look above my head
and it beams down on me
so that I may taste
the liquid rays of sunshine.

It is never too hot to touch
or very far from my thoughts.
I will always be close to it
if I can help it.

Belated Weekend Update

Did my Fou.rth F.riday thing. Apparently, chicks I don't know want a taste of this big hunk of butta. Sad, but true.

The next day I drove to the "D" for the "Boys Night Out" signifying Three's last weekend as a Detroiter.

Dropped my stuff off with TAD as she prepped for her "Girls Night In". She's prettier than I remember. I think that everytime I see her.

Bought a dresser from Ikea.

I had my boys meet me at the Mic.higan State Black Alumni picnic. Nice turnout. Everybody's fat, including me. We did a gray hair comparison. I win. Drank a lot of free brew and ate turkey hot dogs. Saw my sands. Got dissed for dissin' them.

Played horseshoes. I suck at it.

Hung out and parking lot pimped a Mic.hael Fr.anks concert. Felt like I was 16 again. This is probably the last time I'll ever be 8 cats deep standing by our cars looking bored. Unless I join the NASCAR circuit.

Went bowling. My first throw of my first frame did this:And I still won the game.

Came back to TAD's crib in pain. Played it cool.

The next day, went and got splinted. I'm waiting for the swelling to subside before I get a cast on Monday.

Played kissy-face until I had to come home.

Now, I'm at work. Bored.

That's It.

Peace,
KZ

Onward, Upward, Backward, Downward

Hey y'all! Sorry I've been tardy. I've had a pretty good excuse. I was prepping to leave town on vacation to see my parents so I had to work, then I actually left. I took my laptop, but I was too tired to blog after each day, so I didn't. I had fun. Went to amusement parks, to the beach. I didn't see any relatives in Tampa other than my parents. Ate devil crab.

Oh yeah, I had TAD with me.

That was the biggie. TAD met Dad. And Mom.

The unfazable Jedediah Zednanreh was fazed. That cat is funny. He asked me if we were serious. He asked me when I was gonna produce some grandchildren. Funny guy. A laugh riot, really.

Marilyn Zednanreh took TAD with her to do the only thing that brings her peace, shopping. She has done that exactly ONE other time with a woman I've introduced her to, and that was in 1994.

Needless to say, she made quite an impression. Or else my parents are just getting old and wanna see what a Zed clone might look like.

Me and TAD had a great time, sans parents and with parents. When she and I dressed up to go out on our last night there, my parents took pictures like we were going to the prom. It was pretty damn funny.

In some ways I'm glad to be back. But really I hadn't spent that much time with TAD at one time ever. We had a week together and it was good. But I missed my bed and all my wretched Satan's Anus surroundings.

In other news, I keep getting visitor after visitor coming into my office to look at me. They come in, make up some excuse to talk to me and leave. Why? I cut my hair. My dreadlocs are in a zip lock bag at home. They are marveling at the wonders Three performed (with a scissor assist by TAD) on my head yesterday. My haircut will give them something to talk about for the next six months. I hope they are entertained. But I'm bored.

Well, that's my little life in a nutshell. I hope y'all stay cool.

Peace,
KZ

Yellow Fever

Three: Dude, I got those pics you sent me. Outstanding!
KZ: I do my best.
3: Who is that chick?
KZ: Some internet star.
3: So, you sendin' me redbones now?
KZ: What?
3: *African* you heard me. I knew you was into light skinned chicks.
KZ: What?
3: Why you smilin'? I can hear you smilin' over the phone. I knew you was into redbones. All that pro-Black, extra militant shit you be talkin'! You just a regular ol' African!
KZ: You buggin', African!
3: I'm serious. There's extra excitement in your voice when you're talking about yellow chicks.
KZ: You basin' this on TAD?
3: Yep.
KZ: That's one chick.
3: Yep. One yellow chick.
KZ: You didn't hear this excitement when I talked about dark skinned chicks?
3: Nope.
KZ: It couldn't be the difference in the women though, right?
3: Nope. It's because she's yellow. And you sprung on her yellowness.
KZ: That's your theory?
3: That's my theory.
KZ: You gonna run with that?
3: Like a looted TV.

Peace,
KZ

Eating Kashi

I got a bad habit and I've had it for a long time. It's eating poorly. I'm a fried food addict, a starch addict, and a green vegetable hater. If it was quick and pre-processed, I was eating it. I called myself being a choosy eater by eliminating all red meat, but that wasn't the case. It was still ill-prepared food, fried and greasy.

So I made a concerted effort to eat better. After last summer was over, I was only going eat food that was nourishing. No more food detrimental to my health, no over processed food, no more late night trips to the fast food spots. From now on, if it was open 24 hours it was off-limits.

The thing I found was that it was a hell of a lot more difficult than I thought. Every impulse in my body would draw me to those brightly shining beacons of fat and grease. I didn't go, I passed them by. I tried some home cooking. I baked a lot of the food I ate, prepared it from scratch. It took a lot more of my time. I found I had to plan meals and I had to be patient. I actually had to wait for a meal to be ready, imagine that.

The biggest surprise for me over these last few months is how much better I feel. You couldn't have told me in September that I'd feel as good as I do just by putting forth the extra effort to eat better.

And every morning when I wake up, I look forward to seeing that Kashi in my bowl.

Y'all Be Cool,
KZ

Ass Usual

Hey peoples, what's crackin'? Last week in general was a monster. Whenever my boss is out, it's a bad week. I know I hardly do shit, but when my boss is out, I'm in a helluva lot more meetings than usual. On Friday morning I was a meeting to prep for a meeting that's being held tonight. The pre-meeting is to ask questions about questions that will be asked tonight. So we answer the questions asked by the city commission on Friday at 7:30 am , then we answer them again at tonight at 7:00 pm. That's why they pay me the marginal bucks.

So Friday afterwork, I takes my ass to the "D" again. Because I needs that, to recharge an African's batteries and shit. Me and TAD had plans to go to my frat's belated Valentines event on Saturday, so we got a chance to exchange V-Day gifts. I bought her a ball peen hammer and a can of Pillsbury Grands. She got me a map of Belgium and some talcum powder. She also got me the card you see above, which pretty much sums up my disposition in a nutshell.

Later we went out to eat with her crazy friend, the Intelligent Hoodlum, who is equal parts She-Gangsta, Brainiac, and Comedienne. I'm still laughing at shit I.H. said on Friday. I just bust out laughing spontaneously. I think you had to be there. After we went back to the crib, we checked out Half Nelson on DVD.

On Saturday I got my taxes done early in the day. I think my tax lady has transitioned her business over to her 21 year old daughter, which is not a good thing. My tax refund fell significantly, by about half. She gotta teach the young dog some old tricks.

Me and TAD lolligagged around the rest of the day, watching DVDs and her trying to pretty up my ultra-manly, unsexy hands so she can be seen out with me.

When we finally got to the Valentine's Dance later that evening, all late and shit, trying to make an entrance, I gotta say I was feeling pretty good. There have been very few times in my long miserable life when I feel fortunate. Though I know I am, I never FEEL it. Walking into that ballroom with that woman made me feel like the luckiest African on Earth.

That's all I got.

Peace,
KZ