KZ: "Jed, what you doin' today?"
JZ: "I don't know, man. Depends on ya mother."
This post is about my father, Jedediah X. Zednanreh. It's Father's Day so I guess it's fitting. I just got off the phone with him and he's burning CDs and shit. My mother is evidently getting on his nerves about where he wants to go for dinner.
I didn't like my old man for most of my life. I started off pretty scared of him, then it turned to extreme dislike. He doesn't talk much, so I didn't trust him. He always gave me unsolicited advice. He was always the "no" to my mother's "yes".
Jed worked nights most of my life. (This is the same cat who told me and my siblings to call him "Jed" 'cuz he was too fly to be called "daddy"). When I came home from school, he was gone to work. When I went to school in the morning, he was asleep. The only time I ever interacted with him was on weekend. I stayed the fuck out of the house as much as I could.
When I was a freshman in high school and I brought home my first report card, he called the school. "Are you sure y'all don't give out 'A pluses'?" He thought I could have done better than 4.0
When I got kicked out of college, he kicked me out of the house. "Time to be man, big fella." I moved in with a chick that didn't respect me because I made minimum wage. I bounced from job to job until I surrended. I learned my lesson. I'll try to get back in college.
When I graduated from college, I lived at home again for a couple of years. I dragged broad after broad through that house, in the basement. Jed asked me, "do you care about any of these women?" I laughed. He said, "I guess disrespecting them makes you feel like you're doing something. That ain't a man." I moved out a month later. I ain't givin' up broads for you African!
When I got married, he silently protested. "I can't make the wedding, son." He thought my ex wife lacked couth.
When I got separated, I moved back in for a month. Talking to my mother about my next steps, my feeling of failure. He listened for awhile, then he spoke. "You are the best thing I ever had a part of. You gon' be alright. I'm proud of you. Shit, you make me want to be better. Everything will be alright." I was stunned.
Somewhere between my divorce and right now, my father and I became friends. He has been the bastion of sound advice, he's funny as hell (well, we have the same sense of humor), and he's giving. Jed is more thoughtful as he moves up in age and more family oriented. It's funny to watch. Seeing everything he is makes me want to be better.
JZ: "I don't know, man. Depends on ya mother."
This post is about my father, Jedediah X. Zednanreh. It's Father's Day so I guess it's fitting. I just got off the phone with him and he's burning CDs and shit. My mother is evidently getting on his nerves about where he wants to go for dinner.
I didn't like my old man for most of my life. I started off pretty scared of him, then it turned to extreme dislike. He doesn't talk much, so I didn't trust him. He always gave me unsolicited advice. He was always the "no" to my mother's "yes".
Jed worked nights most of my life. (This is the same cat who told me and my siblings to call him "Jed" 'cuz he was too fly to be called "daddy"). When I came home from school, he was gone to work. When I went to school in the morning, he was asleep. The only time I ever interacted with him was on weekend. I stayed the fuck out of the house as much as I could.
When I was a freshman in high school and I brought home my first report card, he called the school. "Are you sure y'all don't give out 'A pluses'?" He thought I could have done better than 4.0
When I got kicked out of college, he kicked me out of the house. "Time to be man, big fella." I moved in with a chick that didn't respect me because I made minimum wage. I bounced from job to job until I surrended. I learned my lesson. I'll try to get back in college.
When I graduated from college, I lived at home again for a couple of years. I dragged broad after broad through that house, in the basement. Jed asked me, "do you care about any of these women?" I laughed. He said, "I guess disrespecting them makes you feel like you're doing something. That ain't a man." I moved out a month later. I ain't givin' up broads for you African!
When I got married, he silently protested. "I can't make the wedding, son." He thought my ex wife lacked couth.
When I got separated, I moved back in for a month. Talking to my mother about my next steps, my feeling of failure. He listened for awhile, then he spoke. "You are the best thing I ever had a part of. You gon' be alright. I'm proud of you. Shit, you make me want to be better. Everything will be alright." I was stunned.
Somewhere between my divorce and right now, my father and I became friends. He has been the bastion of sound advice, he's funny as hell (well, we have the same sense of humor), and he's giving. Jed is more thoughtful as he moves up in age and more family oriented. It's funny to watch. Seeing everything he is makes me want to be better.
Happy Father's Day, African.
KZ
18 comments:
such a nice way to compliment your father. you know, sometimes i think that only we know the best ways to communicate with our families. instead of relying on hallmark or american grretings to be able to do it, more of us should just tap into what we've already been doing and what's always been working. thanks for making me think of BOTH my fathers today... i'll be back!
~fallen angel
Enjoy your father while you have him Zed. Happy Fathers Day ditto, African.
That's great. My dad and I had a rocky relationship until recently. Great to see when folks make an effort to connect with their family life is too short not to sometimes.
This brought tears to my eyes. I love hearing/seeing the growth of fathers. I imagine it's a tough job and sometimes because of all the other pressures in life many fathers don't get it right in the beginning...I know my father had his struggles with fatherhood...but the good ones, our men...they have honor inside them and that eventually leads them to step outside themselves and become everything they are meant to be as parents...and in my case they become more.
I applaud you for celebrating your father and for loving him despite maybe not always understanding him.
Great post...as usual Zeddie Bear!!!
I still battle with multiple daddies.
Let's just say I got a lot of sleep yesterday and didn't use the phone.
Thats sweet!
That is a fly post Zed. You know what I noticed about our parents generation? They didn't talk much. They didn't talk about feelings etc. My dad didn't tell me he loved me til a few years ago and I'm 36. I have fought in the war (Desert storm) Put myself through college earning 2 degrees graduating magna cum laude, and singlehandedly (with God of course) raised two sons and he JUST told me he was proud of me LAST YEAR. They never talked about how they felt, we were just SUPPOSED to know because of the things they did for us. Great post.
@Angel
Sometimes it's good to have that extra, extra fam. Treat both your fathers swell.
@GBM
My old man is 59, relatively young. I hope I can have some kids for him to enjoy. He seems to love children now. I got eight nieces and nephews and my old man loves being "Daddy Jed".
@Honest
My old man used to bump into me on purpose to show me he was the big man in the house once I got taller than him. He stressed that I "didn't know shit" the more education I got. He was a trip, or so I thought. I had to stop acting like a teenager to be treated like a man.
@RD
I want to be a father one day soon. I look forward to raising (at least) a son and a daughter and instilling the lessons I learned the hard way from Jed. Shit, you OBVIOUSLY love your dad. That's some extra special stuff in the Black community.
@Hassan
I know it's tough in a lot of cases, dealing with that family stuff. Whatever energy you expend to make it better might be worth it.
On another note, brother, you gave me a helluva heads up. I was too lazy to go to that spot you put me up on, but Saturday I got to glimpse some of the parade. Dios mio!
@Nsane
You're sweet, ol' sweet voiced woman!
@Blah
Did you repost your Mother's Day post? You should!
@Newy
My father would kick me in the ass before he said he was proud of me. I watch him with my nieces and nephews and it's funny as hell. He's a softie. He still hasn't said he loves me, though. I don't expect it. He'd cough up a lung first. I doubt that he's said that to either one of my sisters. He definitely hasn't said it to my brother.
Our father's generation is a group of manly men. I can't knock it.
KZ
Very nice post re you and your dad.
Oh shit...don't make no noise, turn down them damn cartoons...you know Daddy is asleep! I feel ya, KZ. I'm also seeing more of who I suspect you are as a man by your relationship with your pops. You been cultivating this 'Eff That, Gimme the Brawds! I Know What I'm Doing' attitude for a long time. Interesting. :)
awwwwwwwww...... that's good that you all are friends dude! Cuz I remember MOST Of those moments you discussed and uh....they weren't pretty.... I thought ya'll would FOREVER be at odds..
Oh wait.....was that talk the infamous "talk to rule them all, talk to bind them"??? OH1! I bet it was, but uh, son.....
What I wanna know is
WHERE DA FUCK IS MY POPCORN????!!! (oh, and I didn;t forget about'cha....Earl's janky ass necer called back! Africans!!!)
Happy June 19th, Zed. Nice tribute to your old man.
@onesexybajan
Thank you, onesexybajan. Though I hafta believe where there's one, there must be more!
@SoWise
That cat hates that shit about me. It's not that I can't help creepin', I just don't want to.
@Robyn
African, I didn't make it back to the "D". I stopped by my crib to shower and change. Then I called a gang of my frat brothers who said they were opting out. I said fuck it. So technically I did buy the popcorn, but I gave it to some secretaries.
Remember when my parents caught me and your homegirl in my bedroom? They were out of town and popped up on us. In hindsight, that shit was pretty funny.
@Insanity
Happy Juneteenth! I know they are doin' it up in Texas. That's one thing I wish I could experience, a Juneteenth celebration in Texas.
KZ
Too fly to be called "daddy". That's hilarious. As we get older it seems that we better understand our parents and even start to love and respect them. Or at least tolerate them.
Awwww Zed that was a nice post. My sperm donor was not a part of my life, hence the term sperm donor. Don't have any hang ups about it like some women (for example, Halle Berry seems to be looking for a father figure); it just was what it was...
**SIGH**
Yeah, yeah African...... LOL
Secretaries my ass. Dme bitches are enjoying my caramel & cheese coated goodness!!!! :-)
@Chele
That cat regrets that decision to this day. I'd feel like a really wuss calling him "dad". My mouth don't move like that. All my nieces and nephews call him Daddy Jed 'cuz he's too cool to be Granddad. The cycle continues.
@BB
It's hard not to have hang ups in that situation, so you couldn't blamed if you did. I've always believed that I could be a good father, but being a "good" parent is a hard thing to do. It takes a lot of sacrifice.
@Robyn
They don't even deserve that popcorn either! I just didn't want it to have gone to waste.
KZ
They do it hard in Texas for Juneteenth....don't even know what they celebrating...
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