I'm actually glad to be back at work this morning. Some cats ain't shit left to their own devices, and I'm one of them. All the best laid plans fell apart. I didn't do laundry, I didn't clean (except dishes), I didn't read, and I didn't write.
On Saturday morning I went to this parade that Satan's Anus has every year to celebrate the summer season. It was a little corny parade that helped me recognized some of that small town charm people talk about. They also had an art fair this weekend. There had to be around 200 vendors here. It was massive for the size of this city. All the art sucked ass. There was only one
Black vendor and I actually recognized this cat from Detroit. He was heavily in the hip-hop scene.
I've been here for 11 whole months as of today. I'm ubiquitous. I'm on TV, I'm in the newspaper and I still get these Grape Ape moments. Don't these fuckers have TVs? There are bigger Africans everywhere. How the fuck are you gonna look up at me and audibly gasp when you see me? I'm 6'3", 300 lbs, I'm not the fuckin' Washington Monument. All this fucking "A gorilililililiaaaa!" shit has got to stop. Trust me, muthafuckas, I'll be leaving as soon as possible, but I can't give up too early.
The best part of the weekend happened when I was leaving the parade. I saw this sista, a slim pretty chick, walking towards me. She looked at me once with this kind of startled look. I'm thinking "Here the fuck we go again. Grape Ape time." We kept walking toward each other and she looked at me again and it was all smiles. She said "Hi" and I said "Hi" (yes, I did die a little inside) and we walked past each other. I looked back and she was looking back, smiling. At the time I was like "Oh shit! I really dropped the ball." But summer in Satan's Anus is different. I'll definitely see her again. The town comes out in entirety for events and festivals all summer. I'll recoup.
On Saturday morning I went to this parade that Satan's Anus has every year to celebrate the summer season. It was a little corny parade that helped me recognized some of that small town charm people talk about. They also had an art fair this weekend. There had to be around 200 vendors here. It was massive for the size of this city. All the art sucked ass. There was only one
Black vendor and I actually recognized this cat from Detroit. He was heavily in the hip-hop scene.I've been here for 11 whole months as of today. I'm ubiquitous. I'm on TV, I'm in the newspaper and I still get these Grape Ape moments. Don't these fuckers have TVs? There are bigger Africans everywhere. How the fuck are you gonna look up at me and audibly gasp when you see me? I'm 6'3", 300 lbs, I'm not the fuckin' Washington Monument. All this fucking "A gorilililililiaaaa!" shit has got to stop. Trust me, muthafuckas, I'll be leaving as soon as possible, but I can't give up too early.
The best part of the weekend happened when I was leaving the parade. I saw this sista, a slim pretty chick, walking towards me. She looked at me once with this kind of startled look. I'm thinking "Here the fuck we go again. Grape Ape time." We kept walking toward each other and she looked at me again and it was all smiles. She said "Hi" and I said "Hi" (yes, I did die a little inside) and we walked past each other. I looked back and she was looking back, smiling. At the time I was like "Oh shit! I really dropped the ball." But summer in Satan's Anus is different. I'll definitely see her again. The town comes out in entirety for events and festivals all summer. I'll recoup.
I'm glad I'll at least have warm weather in this little slice of barren real estate.
Be Easy,
KZ
35 comments:
YES!!! *FIRST*
You'll see this chick again, talk to her, perhaps even get in her bottoms...but at the end of the day it will mean nothing...why? BECAUSE SHE ISN'T ME!!! But get it all out of your system now...go ahead...do you!
Now that I got that out of the way. 6'3", 300lbs...there is a God *smile*
Have a good week Babe!!!
6'3" 300lbs??? Well, damn.
Do you have room in your lineup for another chick from the anus? Be practical.
Im feeling you on the staring. Staring in NYC gets you stabbed and you try not to make eye contact in public. Here in Boston, they stare and point...
...but um...Im sayin'...when you coming to the East Coast, Baby? I need a little Washington Monument in my life...
;-]
You must be on some sort of delayed gratification type tip?
That was a meeting made in the movies, chase after her, tell her that her eyes are captivating, and get the digits!
At 6'3" 300 pounds, I betcho' ass is gorgeous na mofo, aintcha? Especially with those dreads? Withcho' dime ass. You oughtta be ashamed of yourself... breaking hearts like that shit is funny.
Anyway, negro.
You didn't drop the ball. Like you said: you'll see her little hot ass again. You know what, you need to quit... flirting and shit, LOL.
Whats the temp in the Anus today? It's gonna be a hot ass, punishing, arid, dry, humid 96 today in Big D Dallas. Boy, negros be sweating like they on their way to the 'Lectric Chair, LOL. Oh yeah, and heat rash...
You know it's hot when the white women be sweating. Let them tell it, they never sweat because it's beneath them.
Have a good day, brother.
Got my kicks from reading your readership comments! You are quite the leader. Everybody seems to love sucking up to leadership. U, b-e-z!
From another dread-red-head...
@RD
You know I'm waiting for you, right? I'm not as smooth as Mr. "Date 3", but I'm working on it.
@Chele
I lost Carmel, Batshit, and Endo (I'll blog about that one tomorrow) this year. All I got is room on my "roster". I got nothing here.
@Chez
I'll be east on Aug. 19th for Slishfest '06. You'll know I'm there by the shadow I cast. It'll be monumental.
@Mack
I'm a sucker for pretty women. If a woman is beautiful OR highly intelligent, I'll choke like a Tech 9. I get better in a mack conducive atmosphere, but not when a brotha gets surprised by one. I don't think I'll ever grow into "smooth".
@TJ
I'm telling you TJ, I just choked. I couldn't think fast enough. Now if she was a Trivial Pursuit question, a Sudoku puzzle, or a blog, I would've been quick as fuck!
@Insanity
I guess I'm going to need to post a pic to break you up outta that!!! I'm an average joe.
It's only like 76 here, and that's cool enough for me.
LOL - Sweating like their headed for the electric chair. That shit's not idle chatter in TX.
White women always sweat when it's dark and I'm walking behind them.
@Proactiff
You think these bloggers are sucking up to me? You gotta go back and read them rippin' my ass to shreds for the dumb ass decisions I've made. Trust me. They don't even like me.
KZ
How much muscle and how much fat? Cant have you dropping dead form heart problems and diabetes. I love the column to much. Whats the work out routine Zed?
you know what HBP and diabeletes meds do to Mr Happy!
@GBM
Good question. I'm definitely more muscle than fat, but damn it if I couldn't do more!
When I got here I used to work out 4 times a week. I haven't worked out since April, which is an issue. Imagine going to the gym and having people trying to talk to you for 30 minute stretches, even while you're in mid-run. That's SA for ya.
KZ
6'3" and 300, you just trying to make the girls swoon online today aren't you!
Well hot damn! Grape Ape my ass...those folks are probably just all whelmed up about the manliness!
You dropped your balls....*lol*
maybe it was for the best. the chick was probably a lunatic.
@Miss Ahmad
It's always an adventure in this piece. Whenever someone strikes up a conversation it's either about the hair or the size.
Look at you trying to sneak that "whelmed up" into common usage!
@Nsane
Constantly! Usually into a bad situation.
@L and TV
How come a chick lookin' at me gotta be a lunatic?
Oooh, that's right. Track history.
KZ
LMAO! Dude I would stare at you if I saw you on the streets in DC and I know lots of "big" dudes.
i'm gonna need a visual!
Im trying to visualize all this muscle...hmmmm....
@Honest
I doubt that I would stand out to you in DC, believe that. Now when me and my boy Three come through, it's usually heads up time. He's 6'5", 280. Together that's a lot of space being taken up.
@Miss Ahmad
I sent you a little something. I did the best I could.
KZ
"a gorilililiaaaaa"
you stoopid!!
Hi Zeddie. :) Summertime is mos def in the air....
@Dynasty
Didn't I give y'all a peek of me post-Miami? I'll see what I can do, but I gotta stay low. If my blog hits somebody's radar, I'm fucked. I've been pretty irreverent about this small town.
@Supa
Uh-oh. What you been doin', bad girl?
KZ
You know what Zed.I think its time you give the ladies what they want. Put ya pic up bruh.
@Slish
Y'all ain't about to get my ass fired!
"Yes, I know it was Zedediah. His picture was right there. He called us 'crackers' for goodness sakes!"
KZ
that's why I don't talk about my job...well can't would be more appropriate, b/c my industry is comprised of blog writers and blog stalkers...
Wait let me get a glass of wine first...gotta get comfy...Ok now I am ready...show thy self LOL!!
No seriously, I saw the Miami picture that was good enough for me. SOLD!!!
I missed the Miami pic...but um, you can email me one...you show me yours and Ill show you...my MySpace pictures...LOL!
so, let's see.. we know you're going to see her again, and that the two of you shall be bonin. Let's see what tricks she has up her sleeve for that ass. If Satan's Anus is so small, the chick, must already know about your African ass... acting all coy and shit. bitch please..she better recognize the grape ape!
@Everybody that wants to see my pic (yes you Chezniki)
I'll quote from that famous philosopher, Posdnuos: "I Cherish The Twilight. I Maximize, My Soul Is The Right Size. I Watch For The Power To Run Out On The Moon (And That'll Be Sometime Soon.)"
@EOC
You might be right. I was just on the news the night before the parade, so she coulda been frontin'.
KZ
6'3", 300lbs? whoa.
i missed the miami pic, too. if the place is so small, you'll see her again. but if i were you, i'll keep all the women spread out...just my opinion :)
I can't believe how small the world is ... I didn't realize the anus was a pseudonym for the zoo.
Great pics Zeddie!!! Such a cutie...makes me wanna "try" an squeeze you LOL!!
Where the pics at?
@Supa
Mama, you gotta pay attention.
Click the link (the blue part) of my last comment.
And there I am.
KZ
Nice pics! See you on August 19th...Ill look for the tall dark handsome shadow
So you had a tevin campbell moment... is this a first??? if so, i need to bookmark this, the mackdaddy of all macks, was too stunned to get his mack on...
yeah, you'll get a second chance to make a first impression...
naw, for real, the look and look back thing definitely gots you on her mind too...believe that..
I know I'm way too late but,
GRRRRRR-RAPE-APE....Sorry. Couldn't resist.
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