*This is the shit that good moods are made of!!!!*
Some stupid shit happened to me Tuesday. Just weird. That comedienne chick, Shelly, the needy one that's coming to Satan's Anus for her birthday, sent me something in the mail. It was a headshot of herself as a huge refrigerator magnet that said "Don't forget July 8th!!! Your baby is coming to see you, Big Papi!!!"
There are so many things wrong with this, not including the overzealous and egregious use of exclamation points. Maybe it's what the comics like to call "sarcasm". I'm no comedian, so I don't exactly know.
There's the headshot. Shelly ain't pretty. I think I've alluded to that before. She ain't pretty. Helluva body, mediocrity above the neck. Why send me a headshot? So I can regret saying that you could come? How long can I look at your grill and justify me letting you spend more than one day here?
Then, there's the caption. Fuck July 8th. My baby? Really? Comedians! Big Papi? O.K., I don't have a real problem with Big Papi. My big cousin Juan told me once, if a non-Spanish chick calls you "Papi", she's a freak. I don't know how true that is, and in this case it doesn't matter. But I thought I'd just put that out there as a warning to any sistas callin' a cat "Papi".
Then there's the refrigerator magnet thing. Maybe I could put it up as an appetite suppresant on the 'frig. Think Ookla The Moc.
Maybe this is why she's hasn't blown up as a comedienne. This shit ain't even a little funny.
What also didn't help is that I got a call from Thelma yesterday. A generally decent phone call. Except for the part where she asked for some dick. Which is not exactly a bonus situation for me, given her poor performance. I also now think that she's more N'bushe than Thelma. Either way she's tight.
All other things being equal (except the off-the-meathook sex with Shelly), when comparing two women who you don't necessarily like, is it wrong to prefer the one that is most attractive? That's not really a question for you to answer, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about this shit.
KZ
There are so many things wrong with this, not including the overzealous and egregious use of exclamation points. Maybe it's what the comics like to call "sarcasm". I'm no comedian, so I don't exactly know.
There's the headshot. Shelly ain't pretty. I think I've alluded to that before. She ain't pretty. Helluva body, mediocrity above the neck. Why send me a headshot? So I can regret saying that you could come? How long can I look at your grill and justify me letting you spend more than one day here?
Then, there's the caption. Fuck July 8th. My baby? Really? Comedians! Big Papi? O.K., I don't have a real problem with Big Papi. My big cousin Juan told me once, if a non-Spanish chick calls you "Papi", she's a freak. I don't know how true that is, and in this case it doesn't matter. But I thought I'd just put that out there as a warning to any sistas callin' a cat "Papi".
Then there's the refrigerator magnet thing. Maybe I could put it up as an appetite suppresant on the 'frig. Think Ookla The Moc.
Maybe this is why she's hasn't blown up as a comedienne. This shit ain't even a little funny.
What also didn't help is that I got a call from Thelma yesterday. A generally decent phone call. Except for the part where she asked for some dick. Which is not exactly a bonus situation for me, given her poor performance. I also now think that she's more N'bushe than Thelma. Either way she's tight.
All other things being equal (except the off-the-meathook sex with Shelly), when comparing two women who you don't necessarily like, is it wrong to prefer the one that is most attractive? That's not really a question for you to answer, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about this shit.
KZ
37 comments:
Of course you go for the attractive one....that's IF your debating on sexin' them and whatnot.
I'll make sure I don't call you on July 8th...you gon' be BUSY!!!! lol
@Blah
July 8th is gon' be hell on earth. You got room on your couch?
KZ
i'm laughing at the fact you compared the first chic to ookla from thundarr the barbarian. you didn't think i knew that did ya? that was my shit!
but anyway...why are you letting the first chic delude herself if it's not like that. i have to find the backstory on shelly to see what's up.
@Aqua
I thought most of y'all would be too young to remember Thundarr!
The things I say directly, succinctly, out of my mouth do not register. It is that way with most male/female relationships.
KZ
So you letting her come anyay Hunh? *breathe RD*
You know, I'm starting to Fukin hate our relationship Zeddie!
I gotta go outside for some fresh air!!!
@RD
Remember when you took the day off to be with ol' boy? 'member? See, this is the Satan's Anus version. Except it's like 2 days. If you would only come check a brotha out (platonically speaking, of course) we wouldn't have these issues.
I 'ownt even want her to come, but it's that fuckin' soft spot that won't let me disappoint her. People pleaser shit.
Thought you said you were an asshole, a true asshole would nevaaa let her come and spend the weekend - everything she says or does is going to work your last nerve, baby, honey, sweetie - Zed is gonna have to choke a bitch.
Wow she goes hard with hers doesn't she. Is that a picture of shelly? BTW I may have already said this in the comments of a previous post but she's announcing your engagement after her trip.
*smh* Zed
I am disappointed that you would paly on some chics fantasy of "shelly and zed sitting in a tree" Yo...man up and let her know...*drawing a line in the sand* bed yeah wed nah...*pointing at the line* this right here is yo stop ma....
FYI LADIES:
Sending magnetic pictures of yourself, not a good look.
ROTFLMAO @ Ookla from Thundarr....
damn, i was just chatting with someone about the Papi thing. Aint neither one of us Hispanic, why you calling me that?
Heavies is why my mood stays good. I do have them rotating on my page now. Talk about having a GOOD time...
My big cousin Juan told me once, if a non-Spanish chick calls you "Papi", she's a freak.
Now you got me thinking...I don't use "papi" in the course of normal convo, unless, of course, I am talking to an identified "papi." However, if a brotha is puttin it down like that, "papi" could roll off the tongue in the midst of other spanish AND english expletives, expressions of admiration, and what not.
I have to go to work....
i stopped sleeping with folks I didn't like a while ago....you might wanna consider doing the same.
from a woman's perspective you're not doing anyone any favors...you might lay the pipe right, but only to let 'em down later.
Once again, tell that chick to kick rocks!
Try it, I promise you it feels good!
So you pleasing random people??? You gone kill yourself doing that, you do realize this, no? Plus the shyt don't get you no where. She gone come, you gone try to make her happy...pleasing her, but you gone be miserable.
All this here people pleasing crap we ain't really gotta do...
I tell you what, I'ma come check you (platonically of course *wink*)...but when I do, I don't want your azz "people pleasing" my azz, got it? ...keep it real with my munkee azz, k?
I guess I'm the only one anticipating an incredible KZ comedy recap after this visit. As my mom would say, you must "tek bad sitt'n mek laugh"...in other words, drama is hilarious!
But I happen to agree with Miss Ahmad...laying pipe aint doing anyone any favors. Particularly a brawd who fancies herself magnetic.
What if I call you "Daddy"? Does that make me a freak, too?
Once she makes the engagement announcement I hope I get a wedding invite. That heffa's crazy.
What's the deal with Thelma? I thought she made her grand exit? Now she wants the dick?
@OneSexyBajan
I am an asshole in theory. Sometimes it's hard to put it in practice if I know you. If I know you, I tend to consider your feelings. If I don't, I'll be the worst African you ever met.
It will be torture for one of us that weekend.
@Honest
Hell naw that ain't a picture of Shelly! That's the beautiful and talented N'bushe Wright, my babymama.
She's gonna be engaged to the long, hard reality of gettin' Nathan.
@Newy
The next time I talk to her, which will likely be today, I'll say "You know this is all about fuckin', right?" I'll write about it tomorrow.
@1969
I know BEAUTIFUL women who wouldn't put they're shit out there on a magnet. What type of shit is that?
@Cas
I think she thinks she's doing something because my father is Cuban. The actual real deal is I am and will always be Black before all else. That callin' me "Papi" shit is outrageous.
@SJ
You, mujer mas bonita, could call me anything you want. Just don't call me late for cunnilingus.
BRAND NEW HEAVIES!!!!
@Tony
Dog, when you are in the midst of a "good sex" drought, you might consider Scooby just for the weekend.
@Miss Ahmad
Are you sure I'm not doing her any favors? My nickname is Planet Girth.
If I didn't have sex with women I didn't like, I'd be a monk. Or I'd be having cybersex all day.
@RD
You really hit on something that's the root of a deeper issue with me. I think I've blogged about this before, but it's the pursuit of personal happiness vs. making others happy. It's definitely an issue.
It's different with someone you like and that person likes you back. She wants to please you and you want to please her. So generally a compromise is reached.
Are you actually gonna go to Slish's event? Because I keep balking on actually pressing the button and waving goodbye to $600 without knowing who's gonna be there. Let me know.
@So Wise
She's delusional, I'm delusional. Maybe we'll spend the weekend on 'shrooms.
@Chele
"Daddy" is different than "Papi" in the sense that the woman is trying to make a cultural re-appropriation of either herself or her partner. If you call me "Daddy", prepare to grab ya ankles!
Thelma basically ONLY wants the dick. I was thinking of her possibly being THE ONE in my life in our on-off again relationship. And she just wants to fuck. What goes around...
KZ
@Mack
Apparently she still wants to fuck. She was talkin' dirty to me on the phone last night. Real dirty. And doing it well. She has never talked dirty in our whole relationship. Remember when I said she uses a lot of emphemisms that I hate when she talks about sex? She did none of that. It was incredible.
I was moving on emotionally, then she called.
KZ
AHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! You put our boy "ookla" on here! AHHHHHHHHHH HAAAAAA!!!
LOVES it and yes, you are right,she is DEFINITELY more N'bushe.....not so Thelma-ish, but she does have nice dimples :-)
Have fun wit'cha baby ! LMBAO!!!!
So is the comedian Cheryl Underwood or Adelle Givens? You can tell us.
@Robyn
N'bushe got some nice ass dimples, too. All the pics of her smiling were too small.
@CG
Damn, I'd have to be some sorta ogre to demand betta than N'bushe. I love that woman!
*Both my hands out like the justice scale*
Dead bunny vs. Dynamite Head?
I'll take the hasenfeffer.
@Liquor and TV
Why you gotta be dissin' Adele?
KZ
I think you go for who gonna satisfy you and just think about someone else beautiful....*lol*
Think about it before old girl gets here because basically if you are crazy enough to send a man a magnet with your face on it...you are assuming a whole lot.
Like...
1. That he will actualy put that ish on his fridge
2. That he will keep it there and stare at your grill every single day to remind him of you.
3. That when company comes over, he will continue to keep that mess on the fridge and explain to everyone who you are.
If she is indeed just a *piece* then she obviously doesn't know that she is.
If you don't have any intentions of it progressing further....you need to tell Mami to stay the hell home.
You could always work with N'Bushe/Thelma. Watch some porn together, blindfold her ass and teach her some tricks....TEACH GRASSHOPPER TEACH.
@Nsane
Why can't I have both. When's the next train to Chicago?
@1969
Shelly, I hope to goodness, was just being Shelly and was joking with the magnet thing. But you never know. I'll talk to her today.
I was with Thelma off and on since November 2002. It's been "off" since April 2005 this go round. I've tried everything I got to push the "freakyness quotient". It's hard to explain that it's not me, but it's not me. And since you don't know me, it's just my word against...no one's! She bought a book a few months ago called The Good Girl's Guide To Sex. She said, "I'm gonna try to get better for you." She knows!!!
(The book didn't work, either)
KZ
personally I like ugly dudes either way. nice body or not. they behave better and are less likely GAF. (gay as fuck)
@Stilts
*Spraying Binaca in mouth*
I can "play" ugly.
KZ
Okay then if Thelma just doesn't have the freak in her...no amount of cuteness will make up for her lack of prowess in the bedroom.
Put the magnet up and get ready for the 8th. LOL
i think i'm gonna have to charge you with aiding and abedding (lol) a future stalker....
all the signs are there man, all the signs are there!
it's boiler bunny time in Santas Anus!
@1969
The magnet has been garbagitized.
@Miss Ahmad
I ain't do nuttin'!
@Ironmunki
Man, I forgot what sound that dude made. I just remember we used to call this dude on my block Ookla. And Robyn used to date this dude that his boy called Ookla. And mainly I just like saying Ookla.
Sidenote: The name "Ookla" came when a series writer was blocked. He was writing on campus at UCLA and a friend of his said, while looking at the letters "UCLA", "Why not call him Ookla?" I just read that today.
@Bluey
I think this might answer your question.
The key to reading this without laughing is to imagine me naked.
KZ
the beauty about reading your joint Zed realizing that things that are blaringly obvious to women aren't so obvious to men and vice versa...
ain't life grand *wink*
oh yeah I see you replaced the de la quote. I only remember one Zero 7 song...Destiny. It was a cool track. Maybe I'll check for this song.
@Miss Ahmad
What am I missing? You gotta tell me! I thought we wuz cool!
@L and TV
If you saw the HBO promos in the spring or the movie "Garden State", it's the song that's being played in those. "Everyone giving different things to me/Different things to me."
KZ
I will not miss another SLISHY Production. I'm there in August...front and center. So not sure if his party will be worth the $600 ones you'd have to drop for the plane tix but it's not really all about his party now is it??? *wink*
NNOT OOKLA THE MOC!
I am over here dying. I missed your blog. You're head (pun intended) will make the right choice.
@RD
You know the plane tickets aren't bad at all. It's the freakin' lodging that makes the price so high.
I'm sure it'll be well worth it.
@Bluey
I have one vice. OK, I have several hundred vices. But the one that causes me the most trouble is dirty phone talk. I'm talking sex, they're thinking relationship. Go figure.
On second thought, thinking of me naked might induce laughter.
@CC
Oh, what a tangled web I've woven and have had woven in conjunction with the weaves that I have so meticulously conspired to have woven, also!
I have trouble saying "no".
KZ
@CG
Noooooooooo!
I guess I gotta stop this, hunh?
KZ
Post a Comment