So last night, once again, I'm at an evening meeting. Even when I was in Detroit and I had these types of meetings, the population seems the same. I was watching The Daily Show last week and Jon Stewart made the same point. Only extremists on either side of the political spectrum make time to get involved in civic matters. Everybody else has shit to do. So I'm making a presentation to a bunch of people without shit to do. A beautiful, sunny afternoon and I have a room full of people accusing me of everything under the sun. Apparently, I'm trying to take their property. Even the renters! Also, I'm trying to suppress their property values so that white people can buy their land for cheap. That's what I'm trying to do. Because I'm a sellout.
Anyway, these meetings have never had anyone resembling a hottie within 10 square miles of them. Ever. So towards the end of the meeting when everyone is milling around, looking at maps and generally telling me they're just giving me a hard time, a couple walks in.
The dude has some sort of process in his hair with a derby on, tilted haughtily, and a white suit on. The woman has locs, a skin tight black dress on, and some extreme high heels. Her ass was incredible.
So now I'm thinking about how much I have in my bank account, because obviously this cat's a pimp and I'm about to buy this pussy. He walks up to me and says, "Is the meeting over?" I tell him it is, and he grabs the woman's hand and walks out. I'm watching her exit.
So I'm standing there doing nothing waiting for these nutjobs to finish talking to each other so I can take the maps and dude walks back in towards me. I'm thinking he musta saw me looking at his ol' lady's tush. He's about to confront me. Instead, he hands me a card. "Beautifully Natural Loc Salon, Robert 'The Loc Man', proprietor"
I'll be damned. This cat is a loctician. With a process. I don't know much, but I know not to go to a loctician without locs.
I went to his website when I went home so I could see some more pics of his chick, who turned out to be his wife. Unfortunately, there were no below the waist shots and she's pretty unattractive, aside from the locs and the ass. He had a lot of pretty clients, too.
Maybe I can stop through for a consultation.
Anyway, these meetings have never had anyone resembling a hottie within 10 square miles of them. Ever. So towards the end of the meeting when everyone is milling around, looking at maps and generally telling me they're just giving me a hard time, a couple walks in.
The dude has some sort of process in his hair with a derby on, tilted haughtily, and a white suit on. The woman has locs, a skin tight black dress on, and some extreme high heels. Her ass was incredible.
So now I'm thinking about how much I have in my bank account, because obviously this cat's a pimp and I'm about to buy this pussy. He walks up to me and says, "Is the meeting over?" I tell him it is, and he grabs the woman's hand and walks out. I'm watching her exit.
So I'm standing there doing nothing waiting for these nutjobs to finish talking to each other so I can take the maps and dude walks back in towards me. I'm thinking he musta saw me looking at his ol' lady's tush. He's about to confront me. Instead, he hands me a card. "Beautifully Natural Loc Salon, Robert 'The Loc Man', proprietor"
I'll be damned. This cat is a loctician. With a process. I don't know much, but I know not to go to a loctician without locs.
I went to his website when I went home so I could see some more pics of his chick, who turned out to be his wife. Unfortunately, there were no below the waist shots and she's pretty unattractive, aside from the locs and the ass. He had a lot of pretty clients, too.
Maybe I can stop through for a consultation.
KZ
37 comments:
lol! A loctician with a process! LMAO! that's hilarious. For somereason I picture locticians being a bit more "natural".
Ray Ray? Yeah that's who I go to now that I'm loc'n....see you in there I guess *wink*
I was just re-reading the post, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm an asshole. That's just a general observation.
@Honest
Me too! Why would he have a process? He didn't even have to have locs.
@CG
That shit should repulse new clientele. But I guess it doesn't.
@Mack
I gotta see what I can see. I might check him out.
@RD
You gotta watch out for these locticians. Find a good one and stick with them. As I bounce around, I see a lot of 'em are flakes.
KZ
Eff the locs. He just cuts the checks. The pimp!
Hmmm...sounds like a new hang out spot of KZ. Nice!
But why does something tell me you won't go. ;)
there's something extremely bootsy about a man with a perm in modern day America!
and no comment on the thought of buying a piece of the man's wife.
"So now I'm thinking about how much I have in my bank account, because obviously this cat's a pimp and I'm about to buy this pussy"
You are a fool!!!
@So Wise
He got pics of himself on his website (sans perm)doin' the locs. Maybe that's just for show.
Nah, I won't go. Even for voyeuristic purposes, I'll pass.
@Ironmunki
Thank you! I feel the same way. Why is it that we GOTTA have male barbers and female locticians. I just don't want a dude getting "intimate" with my head.
@Miss Ahmad
I was actually only going to rent the ass.
@Dynasty
It's getting desperate up in Satan's Anus!
KZ
@ Zed: Yea...you re-read? Glad you said it because I was SO wanting to...
...and umm, ain't you cutting them off in August?
@ Ahmad: Bootsy!!! I love it...see how much I miss California...bootsy got me all juiced. LOL
Back to Zed: Rent-a-wife...hmmm, you might want to look into that and see if you can make money off the idea....after all, isn't that what you want?! LOL
@Blah
I need a wife for so many reasons, least of all sex. I got laundry and a house that needs cleaning!
Yeah, I'm cuttin' 'em off in September. Sale starts September 9th.
KZ
Are you seriously cutting them off? Busta's property value sky rocketed when he got rid of his, for real.
This entire post just cracked me the fuck up. I'm sayin'. The entire thing. Every line!!!!!
Fool had a perm??
Stop.
you didn't miss it Zed...it's tonight support a sista aight?
@Chele
I don't know, I was pretty hot before I had 'em. And I'm pretty hot now. So it may not matter. LOL
@Supa
That brotha had a temporary. A conk. A relaxer.
@Newy
For some reason I thought today was the 29th. I'll be checkin' for you.
KZ
That negro was pimp. No professional loctician in the world would be walking 'round, looking like that about the head. And that hat... Lord have mercy.
He know he was wrong for that shit.
Well at least his woman had nice hair, cuz everything else about them was wrong!
lol..you are so wrong
rofl@his wife having a buttaface
sounds like you need a house keeper to free up your mind.
Mines came on Monday, it's just like having a wife but better!
I think dude is a pimp..and that loc shit is a cover. Back shots and Locs is what he should call his shop...lol
@Insanity
If that hair shit is a cover, I got to applaud them on that. Kudos Mr. DredPimp!
@Liquor and TV
See for yourself
http://www.thelocman.com
@Bluey
I can't bring myself to go. As a card carrying member of The Satan's Anus Righteous Brother Club, I can't do it. I can't patronize a hair brothel.
@Miss Ahmad
I'm supposed to call this lady that cleans for some of my co-worker. I haven't gotten around to doing it. I got three toilets that need scrubbin'.
@Slish
I'm trying to be like him only with a prettier hoe.
KZ
@Mr. Slish
Gotdamn! You know I just realized your username is Mr. Slish. I've been pretty disrespectful to you this whole time, callin' you Slish without permission. What type of shit is that?
KZ
That's straight comedy....
lmao@processed loctician. what kind of shit is that?!?
and who cares if the woman was ugly. you damn sure don't. if her ass is phat, you all on dat cat. LOL
Ummm yea, what you look like gettin locs from someone with a process and a pimp suit....
The whole situation is fucked up...but you might just meet you a woman in there....
I went to the site and I don't see no cute clients....
Why does all of the most HILARIOUS shit happen to you? Is it because you're a sell out trying to take my damn property and give it to the white man? huh?
I'm mad that she was unacctrative and you CONSIDERED hittin' it! AND you were willing to PAY!
The booty does it EVERY time :)
*off to go eat some cornbread and cabbage*
@SJ
I wouldn't laugh if you were being tortured!
@Nikki
Yeah, I usually wouldn't care, but she's married and shit. So I guess morally, I can't stab.
@Nsane
That's because your standards are skewed by a variety of choices. There's this lightskinned chick on there that's cute as all get out. She ain't Nsane Lee Sane (damn, who is?), but I'll take her.
Nice ass new pic by the way. That must be for your blog boyfriend!!!
@SanginDiva
I'm in the anal cavity of the evil angel. I find beauty where I can. And I'll pay for it.
KZ
i'm with you. i don't trust any loctician without natural hair. that's an oxymoron to me.
you're killing with your description. i swear you meet the most interesting folk :)
Damn - Anybody with a process and a pimp suit is funny to me, much less a loctician. LOL @ you scoping out his wife's ass.
For some strange reason, I can't accept the term, loctician...I also can't accept the fact that a feamle would even marry a man with a process nowadays...WOW.
the first thing that popped into my head when i read this entry was the first episode of the dave chapelle show with the Black blind white supremacist who didnt know he was black and then divorced his wife for being a nigger lover..
a nigga with a conk doing locs? that's a straight up paradox/ oxymoron. don't trust that soul glo having mothafucka in your hair Zed.
lol@EOC..nigga with a conk..too funny. I can just picture that fool lindy hoppin in his cheap 3 piece suit.
can you loc pubes? Just curious.
@Aquababie
That shit just seems off-kilter doesn't it?
You do know now that I'm not obligated to respect any relationship you may have, you are now open to equal opportunity flirting and harassment, right?
@Cas
Pimp suits in Satan's Anus amongst our people is rare. Not like back home in Detroit. The mayor is wearing a fuckin' pimp suit.
@CC
Loctitian is a fake ass, pretentious term. I usually say the awkward "lady who locs my hair". But they'll fuckin' gouge your eyes out if you don't call 'em locticians.
@EOC
That's where I am with that. Would a woman trust a beautician with a fucked up wig on to do her hair?
@Liquor and TV
I shoulda called him Detroit Red.
KZ
@Stilts
I'm sure you can. I'm not sure it's conducive to "the oral arts".
KZ
i maintain my own locs anyway, so i have no need to see a "professional". the guy i just broke up with has locs as well. we used to do each others hair. those days are over...
@Aqua
You and I can do each other's hair...in the shower.
See? I told you it was coming.
KZ
ummm...no! you have to come to mississippi. if you hate satan's anus, you'll really hate the 'sip!
april fool's day came early (or is it late)? hahahhahahah damn process! i would go through there too. he might have a "story" about his hair adventures. i cant help that i'm skeptical too though because i've never met anyone who has eve had natural hair (in any way, shape, or fashion), especially locs who has went back to adding chemicals to their hair. oh wait! one of my sororirty sisters did...but that was only because her ass was in denial too!!!! hahhahahahahhaha
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