I'm writing on my yellow pad, not cognizant of anything being said of which I need to be aware. Most of the words are dark from the multiple times I've outlined them. The boldness is mildly exhilarating, which tells you just how bored I really am.
I look over at Cindy, the recording secretary. She's got blond highlights in her hair. They're not all that becoming on her, but it's different. At least that's something. Now Rick's talking. It's an overlong explanation of something that doesn't need to be explained. When he gets to talk uninterrupted, I tell you, he glows like a pregnant teenage hillbilly.
I'm looking down, happy to have found my glasses yesterday, which had gone missing for three weeks. I start trying to make anagrams. I'm no good at that sort of thing, but I always try.
The room gets eerily quiet. That can only mean one thing. I've been asked a question and I don't realize it. I look up and everyone is looking at me. I look at Mike, the coordinator of this particular meeting.
"What part of this do you need me to clarify?" I'm looking at Mike directly in the eye, like my ol' man taught me so many years ago. But Mike has one of those "googly" eyes. You know, when you're talking to a person and you don't know which eye to look at 'cuz one of 'em is, ummm, googly. I'm trying to concentrate on the question and figure out which eye is the "live" one. Curse you, father!
Mike helps me pinpoint the subject matter I'm speaking to and I go forth, bullshitting my way to the goalline with no blocking, a la Barry Sanders. My functional purpose at the meeting is over and I go back to darkening letters on my pad.
Repeat five times and you have my day today.
I look over at Cindy, the recording secretary. She's got blond highlights in her hair. They're not all that becoming on her, but it's different. At least that's something. Now Rick's talking. It's an overlong explanation of something that doesn't need to be explained. When he gets to talk uninterrupted, I tell you, he glows like a pregnant teenage hillbilly.
I'm looking down, happy to have found my glasses yesterday, which had gone missing for three weeks. I start trying to make anagrams. I'm no good at that sort of thing, but I always try.
The room gets eerily quiet. That can only mean one thing. I've been asked a question and I don't realize it. I look up and everyone is looking at me. I look at Mike, the coordinator of this particular meeting.
"What part of this do you need me to clarify?" I'm looking at Mike directly in the eye, like my ol' man taught me so many years ago. But Mike has one of those "googly" eyes. You know, when you're talking to a person and you don't know which eye to look at 'cuz one of 'em is, ummm, googly. I'm trying to concentrate on the question and figure out which eye is the "live" one. Curse you, father!
Mike helps me pinpoint the subject matter I'm speaking to and I go forth, bullshitting my way to the goalline with no blocking, a la Barry Sanders. My functional purpose at the meeting is over and I go back to darkening letters on my pad.
Repeat five times and you have my day today.
KZ
20 comments:
Lol...I think you need a grilled cheese sandwich...
Dude, I am rolling about that googly eye! My CTO has "them eyes"...I call him "Mad Eye"...I have NO idea 9.9 times out of 10 when he is looking at me.
You need a new job...I think I might know of one in the D that has your name written all over it...
Nice Barry Sanders reference. And way to play that shit off.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that zones out during yet another completely useless meeting.
LMAO this is so f*ckin funny to me because you just described my day as well!
When I'm in those kind of meetings, I make grocery lists, things to do lists, read a magazine disguised in a folder with some other papers, update my blackberry, etc. All I hear is the "wa wa wa wa" from Charlie Brown, but I *try* to listen for my name.
@Slish
One day Slisher, I'll write about ol' Grilled Cheese. And y'all will have another laugh at my expense.
@TS
It's always an adventure with the googly eye thing. I swear, just when I think I have it figured out, it changes on me.
I keep trying to write my name on stuff in the D...
@Cas
I was like a deer in headlights for a second. It was torture for about 10 solid seconds.
@Chele
90% of the meetings I go to could have gotten an emailed response of about three sentences. Word to mother!
KZ
You just made a thoroughly boring day blogworthy -- in the way that you wrote it maintained my interest. Nice post! LMFAO! @ "googly eye" That sh*t was funny!
LOL ... well you know that I had "wobbles", so named becuase when she was hired she was 4 months pregnant and she soon began to wobble AND because she had a "googly", "mad eye", WOBBLY-ASSED" eyeball! that shit used to unnerve me and to top it OFF, she had glasses that made her eyeballs look EXACTLY.LIKE (no for real) Redd Foxx's eyeballs looked when he put on them glasses in "Harlem Nights"!! LOL So, I had DOUBLE trouble. Them shits were big AND wobbly!!!!! HA!!!!!
So... keep writing in that pad...stay awaaaaay from the eyeball....
what's up with all yall being so unhappy at the workplace? no wonder your ass is always talking about ass! sounds like you're in need of some sexual (or at least manual) healing! ;-P
When I sit on my ass and waste away at meetings I take different tallys.
Like for example;
How many ackward moments my supervisor creates?
How many times dumb ass manager says "excellent" while he is presenting?
How many people bring their laptop's and I hear the Yahoo IM pop up screen?
Who can I catch rolling their eyes?
Who falls asleep first?
Who rambled the longest?
Of course lastly how many other negros are in the room? (Always ONE by black ass!)
I hate wonky eyes. **sigh**
Meetings suck. I also run a tally of how many acronyms and catch phrases are used. You know the "MARS" program or the "INTX" numbers dictate.....Blah, Blah, Blah.
Do what I do...look at the bridge of his nose. When you talk to him...talk to his nose...it's close enough to his eyes that he won't know the difference. I'm always curious to know what I look like through those eyes....
Quit playin'...your name is already written. You just need to go ahead and do it.
"What part of this do you need me to clarify"..... I am using that shit TODAY !!
There's a guy at work with a "googly - eye". He's alked me out several times, and besides the eye thing he is fine. But, I just can't do it! I'm way too silly - I would just crak up or cross my eyes at inappropriate times. Get that googly eye fixed!
When I become a manager I am going to have standing meetings only. That way people will want that shit to be over with the quickness. I hate long meetings and I hate people who go on and on at such meetings. They should be hurt.
Im a cube, cylinder, flowerpot, song lyrics girl myself. However, at community meetings outside of work, I keep the minutes...so I am usually the one asking someone to clarify their bullsh*t so I can get it in writing and use against them at the next meeting...LOL!
...and what were you doing when you lost your glasses, Huh? Huh? LOL
I was able to visualize this all too good
i recently ended a meeting in a most awkward moment when i looked someone in the eye and told them it wasn't that i didn't understand or wasn't clear, i simply didn't agree.
it feel like a bomb in the room, maybe cuz she's the Exec. After that everyone just kinda grabbed their stuff and left.
oops!
That's exactly why I left that shit and went into business for myself, by meself.
Your functional purpose? Oh is that what it was? Functional? O...ok...is that how it is in the Anus?
signed,
Slish Jr.
Post a Comment