I've had two women in my office today before 9:00 am crying their eyes out. I know what you're thinking. "What did you do, Zed? Did you smack 'em? Long dick 'em into a state of uncontrollable ecstasy? Steal their purses? What ever did you do?"
The short answer: nothing. All I am is their bosses' boss. Dey leapfroggin' folks to make complaints about dey peoples.
The first woman has been off work for two months on stress related leave. Her job contains no real stress, just like Tang contains no real juice. But she got a gullible ass doctor to buy into it and was off for a good long while. I wish it was me.
Anyway, she came into my office crying just as I carried my cup of coffee from the kitchen area. "Look at my calendar! It's ridiculously full!" she screeched as she waved the printed pages from MS Outlook. I sipped, bored and barely awake. "We're trying to ease you back into things. It's not as full as your regular calendar would have been. We were expecting you last week. If you would have come in then, you would have had nothing but office work to do." "I couldn't come back last week I had bronchitis!" she spat, fresh nicotine staining her wretched teeth. "I'll see what I can do" which as all women should know by now, means I'll do nothing.
Next came Wispy. Good ol' Wispy. She was hysterical (Yeah, I know this is not a politically correct term. And no, I don't recommend that she get a hysterectomy). Wispy claims that she was being menaced by her Black co-worker. I'm sure her co-worker is sick of her whining about everything under the sun, but I can't let her walk out of my office into a "dangerous" situation. So I ask for a rundown of the shit Debbiee (yes, that's the way she spells it) is doing to her.
"She makes me ask permission to use the printer. And she doesn't answer the phones so I have to do it. When a customer comes in and needs assistance, she walks away from the front counter." Yeah, she's pretty much made you her bitch, Wispy. This is Wispy's first legitimate complaint ever, so I'm writing shit down and she's bawling like she can't breathe. I'm really not good at consoling people, so I'm letting her ass hyperventilate. I tell her I'll follow up and she crawls her ass out of my office.
I really don't like this aspect of my gig. It's days like today that are pushing my ass out before my plan is done.
The short answer: nothing. All I am is their bosses' boss. Dey leapfroggin' folks to make complaints about dey peoples.
The first woman has been off work for two months on stress related leave. Her job contains no real stress, just like Tang contains no real juice. But she got a gullible ass doctor to buy into it and was off for a good long while. I wish it was me.
Anyway, she came into my office crying just as I carried my cup of coffee from the kitchen area. "Look at my calendar! It's ridiculously full!" she screeched as she waved the printed pages from MS Outlook. I sipped, bored and barely awake. "We're trying to ease you back into things. It's not as full as your regular calendar would have been. We were expecting you last week. If you would have come in then, you would have had nothing but office work to do." "I couldn't come back last week I had bronchitis!" she spat, fresh nicotine staining her wretched teeth. "I'll see what I can do" which as all women should know by now, means I'll do nothing.
Next came Wispy. Good ol' Wispy. She was hysterical (Yeah, I know this is not a politically correct term. And no, I don't recommend that she get a hysterectomy). Wispy claims that she was being menaced by her Black co-worker. I'm sure her co-worker is sick of her whining about everything under the sun, but I can't let her walk out of my office into a "dangerous" situation. So I ask for a rundown of the shit Debbiee (yes, that's the way she spells it) is doing to her.
"She makes me ask permission to use the printer. And she doesn't answer the phones so I have to do it. When a customer comes in and needs assistance, she walks away from the front counter." Yeah, she's pretty much made you her bitch, Wispy. This is Wispy's first legitimate complaint ever, so I'm writing shit down and she's bawling like she can't breathe. I'm really not good at consoling people, so I'm letting her ass hyperventilate. I tell her I'll follow up and she crawls her ass out of my office.
I really don't like this aspect of my gig. It's days like today that are pushing my ass out before my plan is done.
Peace,
KZ
28 comments:
Thi sis a good in for some ass Zed! Seize the oppurtunity muthafucka!
LMAO
Can i come sit in your chair? I have some issues i wanna discuss
See, that right there is the reason why I don't want to be a manager. Drama...
Crying? Actual crying? Who does that? And Debbiee's ass is definitely getting over. Good for her.
I hate complainers that is one of the reasons I do not ever want to be in management. Lol.
Wispy is not getting menaced she is getting played.
i an thankful i don't have to deal with mess like that.
is their immediate supervisor that ineffective? shit, maybe you should have a talk with him/her about that, cuz if that's not part of your gig, you shouldn't have to deal with it.
@Blah
OK. You got plane tickets?
@IllNana
Oh hell yeah, you can sit in my chair.
@TS
It's easy. All you gotta do is nod a lot and tell 'em you'll do your best.
@Chele
I mean "boo-hoo" cryin'! Loud and extra sobby and shit.
Debbiee is a gangsta!
@MizJJ
She's scared to speak up to Debbiee. Deb flashes that vintage "crazy negro" look at her all the time.
Management - Mo money, Mo problems.
@Aqua
One day, young lady. One day.
@Nikki
I had a meeting with the immediate supervisors right after the meeting with the Criers. The Criers are used to them and thought they'd get a fresh eye on their problems. I ain't havin' it. The supervisors aren't bad, but they are a bit jaded.
KZ
Debbiee needs a promotion. She's got LEADER written all over her.
♥
They thought you were going to "fix it" Zed. All we gotta do is go in and slobber on his desk and he'll come out and chew some @zz yeah ok. Hand the stress chic a card to the city shrink and lay an inhaler on the other chic's desk. *oh dang I must be in a mood ~snicker*
Debbiee?? Get da fuk outta here!!!!
I'm with Chele, that crying in the workplace is for the birds!
Hate whiny white women and fake sick women on the job. They make the rest of us look bad. Hang in there, only nine...ten months left to go...LOL!
see.... tell "wispalina" to come see me.... I tell you what, she'd have a whooooooooooooole lot more thinking to do before she came back the NEXT time with some ole horseshit...that's fo sho!
I HAAAAAAAATE whiny-crybaby assed white women..... (or black ones for that matter who have USED the system and are CONSTANTLY asking for MORE handouts and are never satisfied! I gives THEM types H.E.L.L.
For real....
@Sixy
She's got the sadism down, doesn't she?
@IllNana
Shit, you didn't know?
@Newy
I coulda used you this morning. Actually for a couple of things. Hehehe.
@RD
Yeah, Debbiee. That second "e" is by choice, too. Her name is Debra. When she uses the shortened version SHE spells it with two "e"s.
@Nexgrl
That shit set the tone for my day. I just met with Debbiee a few minutes ago. This shit is taking too much of my time.
@Chezniki
That shit is commonplace here. It's tragic, really.
I'm crossing my fingers on those few months I have left.
@Mack
That line is one that is best served, not received, believe that.
@Robyn
Everytime I think I'm shuttin' some shit down, it comes back two-fold.
I wish I could sent her needy ass to you!
KZ
What did you do, Zed? Did you smack 'em? Long dick 'em into a state of uncontrollable ecstasy? Steal their purses? What ever did you do?"
You are a damn fool!LOL
Tell them to man up, work it out themselves (like adults) or find another job. LOL! I wish I had someone to complain to...Yeah right! I would never get any work done. They would probably just laugh at me anyways telling me I act like a heifer any other time and to just do ME! LOL! I love working with only men.
Holla!
Question.When both these women were complaining to you. Did you hear that Charlie Brown Music...lol Thats what I always hear when someone is complaining to me. It has such a calming effect...lol
The worse crying in the workplace is when it comes from a 6'2 250 pound man and you not allowed to tell him to man the fuck up and get out of my office.
@Tjeanise
I know how y'all think.
@MrsTJ
These are the same two that got into a physical altercation. There is no fuckin' way they'll be able to work it out.
@Slish
I need to try that trick. I was gettin' heated!
@Cas
In my first managerial position when I was 26, I had this 6'4" 250 dude cry when I admonished him for being chronically late. "I ain't scared of you!" That's what the fuck he was saying through his tears.
KZ
I'm really not good at consoling people, so I'm letting her ass hyperventilate.
Lawrd....I need to see that....make her do it again and put it on You Tube. Did she get all pinkish in the face and her eyeballs got all blood shot? Then did you send her on your flushed faced way?
COMEDY! I Heart Management!
that's the part they we NEVER talk about as it relates to being supervisors/bosses. the part about conflict and confrontation. you'll be surprised the things some people will say and do to get you to empathize with them. whether it's crying, going into EXPLICIT detail about health issues, faking sick, or pulling the "sighing eeyore" routine--people will show their WHOLE asses with you if they feel like you are the ones that can make something happen...
the only time I ever cried at work was proceeded by me cursing somebody out so bad it got my blood pressure up and I was certain that instead of the two weeks paid time off I receieved I was gonna leave my job.
i probably shouldn't have locked the door and stood in front of it when I told baby girl I was from East Oakland and we didn't play that shit.
and my tears were really based on the fact that i thought i was gonna have to beat her ass...at work!
@DL
Oh, I'm sure I don't have to make her. She'll do it again in a month's time.
She was fuckin' bright pink. It was a horrible display!
And I'll admit a little funny, too.
@FA
My boss is the original control freak. I'll suggest a solution, and he'll suggest something that makes their lives even worse. They don't even understand the more they complain the less cool the shit I'll follow up with will be.
@Miss Ahmad
I know you didn't cry when you socked that muthafucka in the elevator. You'z a gangsta!
KZ
See posts like these are the reason why I read you every day or two.
Tang!!!
I'm laughing my ass off because now I don't feel as bad regarding my own work nutcases.
Got some remedies, wanna hear 'em?
For the whiny chick, nicorette patches and St John's Wort.
For Wispy, a pink slip.
For you, a $100 worth of Lotto tickets. Hell, ONE of them has to be a winner.
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