Hey folks? What gives? I went to the movies last night. I'm not much of a moviegoer, but recently I've been trying to counteract my boredom. Also it was Halloween and I live in a complex where I don't control the external porchlight. It automatically comes on, so I would have spent all night answering the door saying "No, I'm not giving away shit, little vampire."
So I went to the movies. I saw "The Pr.estige", a pretty good movie. Yes, Sc.arlett Jo.han.ssen has big titties. No, I don't see the big deal about her acting ability. I also think Christian Bale might be lightweight evil in real life. I see a common thread in all his roles that lead me to believe at the very least he's an asshole.
So I went to the movies. I saw "The Pr.estige", a pretty good movie. Yes, Sc.arlett Jo.han.ssen has big titties. No, I don't see the big deal about her acting ability. I also think Christian Bale might be lightweight evil in real life. I see a common thread in all his roles that lead me to believe at the very least he's an asshole.
Anyway, so I'm in the movie and my phone vibrates. It's a text message:
I miss that dick! I had a dream about us last night. Too bad we didn't tape that shit!
I closed the phone. This is the third message I've gotten like this in the last two days, from three different women. All I could do is laugh to keep from crying. Still the King of The Desert.
I think women send these messages just to fuck with me. If I wanted to follow up, I can't. Two of the texters are from out of state. One from earlier that day:
I know good girls don't ask this, but when can I have you again? I'm getting wet just thinking about you! Don't you want me? Tell the truth! I can handle it.
WTF? I guess it's easier to write this shit than to say it over the phone. They oughta know better. I'm not responding to a text like that, even if I was interested. That shit is EVIDENCE, my African.
I miss that dick! I had a dream about us last night. Too bad we didn't tape that shit!
I closed the phone. This is the third message I've gotten like this in the last two days, from three different women. All I could do is laugh to keep from crying. Still the King of The Desert.
I think women send these messages just to fuck with me. If I wanted to follow up, I can't. Two of the texters are from out of state. One from earlier that day:
I know good girls don't ask this, but when can I have you again? I'm getting wet just thinking about you! Don't you want me? Tell the truth! I can handle it.
WTF? I guess it's easier to write this shit than to say it over the phone. They oughta know better. I'm not responding to a text like that, even if I was interested. That shit is EVIDENCE, my African.
This shit frustrates me to no end, even though I think I might be turning into an asexual being. Lack of actual, bona fide oochie-coochie over a long stretch of time does that.
My advice for the sex texters out there: key phrases, one or two words can do the trick ero.tic.ally speaking. Also, it becomes less appealing for the object of your affection to post your shit on his or her blog. And try not to torture a muthafucka who can't get laid. That's another important facet of this story. It was pretty pathetic to look at that text while sitting in a movie theater alone.
Be Cool,
KZ
43 comments:
I used to save those texts and let people "accidentally" read them. Then I realized all them were from out of town people and it got a little depressing thinking about what I could be doing, but wasn't. I agree that they just be trying to fuck with us.
These chicks are hilarious ... and for the record: I don't think you can't get laid. I think you choose not to settle for substandard puzzy.
I wish somebody would send me a text like that....cuz it sho would end up on my blog...and it kills me to see them shits in a man's phone cuz it is EVIDENCE...that can be used against you I know thats why I dont send no shit like that to no man...Actually i sent a text saying LAST NITE WAS AWESOME!!! adn that was it.
I just wrote a post about 'How long is too Long'. Clearly it has been too long for you. At least they aren't sending you picture texts. Lol.
Isn't it much sexier to call and say it to the individual or to say it in person? I am not a texter.
Well, that's better than, "when you gone let me fuck?" I've gotten that one before...
@Cas
*wipingawaythetears*
Why they gotta be fuckin' with us man?
@Chele
No, it's pretty obvious that I can't get laid. Can not. Am not able to.
@IllNaNa
Most texts I send are pretty tame, just for the judge and jury to declare me innocent of wrongdoing.
@MizJJ
Two days used to be too long. Now, I don't even feel the effects. I don't see pussy on the horizon, so I float aimlessly at sea.
@Sixy
Ah, there's the rub! I don't answer the phone when they call, so instead I get texts. There's the key.
KZ
@TS
Damn! That's pretty blunt! Did you answer?
KZ
I admit...I am a texter!!! I love that shyt way more then actually talking on the phone. But I try to be creative with my texts so that if someone comes across them other then the intended I don't look like some skank.
My favorite..."I have a sore throat and I think I left my medicine at your crib" or "my pocketbook is empty can you put something in it?" LMAO!!
Unfortunately for me that texting those kinds of messages also turn me on and what's the point in being all hot and bothered if the person you texting can't get to you in 30 minutes or less to handle the situation.
I feel you Zeddie!!!! *sigh*
so you did get my text huh?
@RD
See, those work! I think those are more effective than the flat out "What's up with the dick?" ones.
King of the fuckin' Desert.
KZ
@Miss Ahmad
If that was the one full of expletives, I got it.
I used to talk to this one woman who sent me the absolute best texts. I think the art is lost on some of these other ones.
KZ
re even though I think I might be turning into an asexual being
there really might be something to that. I was beginning to worry there was something wrong with me.
I'd like to publicly apologize for all of my "Can you come blow my back out right quick?" text messages. If I'd only known it would be such a pun right now. LMAO!
I've been a texter in the past, but stopped because I didn't want that person to have 'evidence' on me.
So will you ever reply or just let them keep sending messages?
@GC
How does this happen? I think it's a tragedy. I don't even masterbate anymore. *sigh*
@BZ
A local text is cool, because a dude can respond. But why make me agonize in the boondocks?
@Paula D
I'll never reply. Not ever.
KZ
did you see babel?
@Miss Ahmad
I live a half mile from a cornfield.
No, I haven't seen it. It's only showing in big cities.
KZ
I agree with Chele...It's not that you can't get laid...you're just particular with who you lay with. RIGHT?
Any what type of women sends her pussy through a text message?? What kind of women you fucking around with??? LOL
@Diva
Yeah, I'm picky. It's true. I have a weird fetish for what I like to call "extremely beautiful and accomplished women".
Strictly speaking, I could fuck a different woman daily for the next 30 days. But would I be happy?
*idon'tthinki'dbesad*
No, I wouldn't be happy.
KZ
But i like sending and receiving raunchy text messages. It's such a turn-on!!!
But wait... I meant only to and from my sweetheart!
@OneFrom
Yeah, sure!
KZ
I hated him in Batman...he is lightweight...weird. Yea...Scarlett does have some biggums...I saw her in The Island...and was like...OOOO...OK!
You lightweight something too....
Whateva African!
@Blah
OOOOOOH! Don't get me started! OOOOOOH!
I owe you one.
KZ
lol...I can just picture it..You in the movie theatre staring at Scarletts titties looking at your text messages...lmaof
"I also think Christian Bale might be lightweight evil in real life. I see a common thread in all his roles that lead me to believe at the very least he's an asshole."
i thoguht i was the only one who felt this. i think think this is dean on...
I think it funny how they made scarlett look even *more* barely legal in the movie.
.....Strictly speaking, you could fuck a different woman daily for the next 30 days......You got that MANDINGO DICK huh !!!
Damn...I'm guilty as sin when it comes to the texts! I say fck it...we're both grown! Even though my shorty's lil sister found one awhile back...and her ass hasn't looked in his phone since. LOL
Yeah, I answered but honetsly, I don't remember exactly what I said...but it was along the lines of..."All the fucking you getting out of me comes from me telling you to get some fucking tact!"
I like to think I've almost mastered the eroticism of texting. The idea is to drop subtle hints, leave just a little to the imagination.
Your chicks are seriously trying to mess with ya head there, sweetie. But we thank them for giving you just another day's inspiration to blog;)
@Slish
A blind man could've seen Scarlett's titties! On a movie screen, they're fuckin' ridiculous.
@Very Rev
Doesn't that guy have this asshole aura around him? Kind of like he's smirking at you. "Hey, jackass! Thanks for buying a ticket. Way to contribute to my new beach house, dickwad!"
And Scarlett...dear Scarlett...*sigh*
@Diva
I ain't the man like that, I'm just saying if I lowered my standards, I'd do pretty well. I think just about any man could.
I don't know if I got that good shit. I've never had it.
@Dollface
First of all, welcome!
I want to reiterate, dirty texts are fantastic if the recipient could plausibly act on it. I'm like "what the fuck"?
@TS
I hope the 87 straight texts I've sent you were tasteful!
@Beauty
That's all the texts were good for, blog fodder. Without the texts, all y'all would've got was a movie review and an old man complaining about sanctioned begging.
KZ
I love sending freaky texts with pics to match...*lol*
And for the record its easier for me to write than say it in person...that way the person doesn't have a chance to retort, they just have to listen(read)
i haven't sent a dirty text in ages. i used to date this guy that lived out of town, so we made the most of the phone, msn, yahoo and the webcam as possible ;) lawd i haven't done anything like that in ages.
i guess i wasn't wearing those horns yesterday for nothing! LOL
Erotic texting is th equivilant of the McRib in theory. Ol' girl will have that thought 'for a limited time only' cause shit will change whithin 15 minutes of her sending that joint.
Not sure if I can seriously respond to them joints either.
If you ever respond with a text, I'm sending out the drop squad.
@Nika Boo
Uhhh...damn...pics, too hunh?
You can't do that to bruhs long distance. It's torture!
@Mack
That's where I am. I'll wait before I go through the bullshit I was going through earlier this year with women that had looks and nothing else.
My favorite texts are the ones right after something has gone down. Especially if I'm in proximity to do something about it.
@Aqua
I hate that out of town shit! If I'm talking sex, I want access, dammit!
But, I guess it's sorta cute. I guess. In a depriving one's self of pleasure sort of way.
KZ
@Hassan
Most chicks are sending those texts while they're about to break off some other cat in close proximity. I don't wanna get them shits. Just fuck ol' dude and get ya rocks off.
I'll never break ManLaw by returning one of those joints!
KZ
i hated that shit too! but what was a girl to do? i swear i rather text "i'm on my way" than describing what i want you to do to me...
hell i'm on the sex wagon these days too. i ain't been getting none.
hmmmmm...i can attest to those types of sex texts. however, sometimes they are meant to genuinely express how we are feeling at that.very.moment. no questions. no interpretations. no rationale. just point blank "this is how i feel at this moment. as for tomorrow, eh, i can never be too sure..."
by the way, why have you been referring to me as "BTB?"
@Aqua
It's hard out there for a pimpette!
@FA
I get those types of texts a lot, so I guess I should be flattered. Right?
Sometimes it's BTB, sometimes it's BTT, it's a toss up 'cuz I'm just guessing. I don't know what you look like. However, BT part stands for "Big Texas".
KZ
Texts are for kids, LOL! Seriously, I just learned how to use the text messaging on my phone about a year ago - and I almost never use it - too many teeny tiny buttons to push.
I'm with Diva - who are these women who are sending messages like that?
Robertmack's friend just took the cake. Eeeeewwww! ROFLMAO.
my mother sends text messages to all of her kids
it always says the same thing
whose your momma?!
it always makes me laugh!
@Monica C.
Rob Mack's friend is the shit! She's referencing a specific act that happened in the recent past and he'll be able to reenact time and time again.
I like texting for cute, succinct messages.
@Miss Ahmad
I'd guarantee my mom doesn't know how to text. If she did, it would go out to all her kids saying "stop eating that!"
"Whose your momma?" That's the shit!
KZ
"King of the Desert"
LMAO!
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