Sunday, September 04, 2005

Home Free

It's ya boy, Munkzilla back in the Boonies after a short trip to Detroit to recharge my batteries. Man, it was the most surreal feeling in the world. As soon as I arrived in the city I got a phone call from this chick I used to see. She's about 6 feet tall, beautiful, and dark chocolate just like a nigga like 'em. I'll call her "Big Fun". Big Fun says "I sensed you were here. I just felt it." It was a spooky assed thing for her to say. But I'd rather have her making that call than Eggy or some other chick, so I enjoyed the conversation. I couldn't see her though. I made plans to stay with this other chick, my ex-girlfriend in fact. So I declined. I spent the whole weekend declining pussy. I can't get that "Batshit" scenario out of my mind, and thanks to y'all (yes, y'all!!!) I'm scared shitless about Glenn Close type activity, STDs, and general psychotic episodes. Thanks niggas!

Anyway, Friday night when I first arrived I ran into one of my frat brothers (no, I'm not telling which frat) downtown at the Detroit Jazz Festival. He wanted me to play "wingman" all night, i.e. distract the one broad while he talked to her friend. That role is easy enough, no pressure. I ran into so many exes and almost exes it wasn't funny. And all of them seemed to be handing out coochie coupons. It was tough sticking to my guns but I was cool. I ended up at my ex's house that night and slept like a baby.

Saturday was non-stop phone calls from women I hadn't been in contact with in ages. Phone call after phone call. I went to see the lady that maintains my hair or as they tend to refer to themselves my "loctitician". To y'all she's "Dreadlady". She's 43, locs down to her ass, pretty as all get out with a beautiful body. Yeah, we used to fuck, but that was a long time ago, during my older woman phase. I had to get my shit tightened up, so I went over there and she answered the door wearing a sports bra and spandex pants. My pants got tighter.

She's doing my hair standing in front of me to get the top as I sit. I'm looking at her camel toe, right? I look up at her face and she's concentrating. So I say to Dreadlady, "Are you ever gon' let me fuck again?" Where did that come from? Damn! What did I just do? "You fucked me and threw me away. You never took me out, you never did anything. You just came over and fucked me. All the time." She never even looked at my face. "Ahhh, Dreadlady, you know it wasn't like that. I was a busy nigga and shit." My vocabulary steadily declines the longer I'm in Detroit. "No, you did as little as you could get away with. As little as I let you get away with." People if y'all haven't guessed, I'm kind of a people pleaser. It's a major fault, but I don't like to disappoint people. That shit makes for great kudos at work and in social organizations, but functionally it sucks. "Listen", I say, "after you finish my hair let's go out. Let's do something you want to do." She smiles, "I'm not fucking you. Don't expect to get any." I smile, 'cuz I know better.

We went out and she got to hold on to me and feel good. I got to take out a beautiful woman with a beautiful ass. And everything was cool. I brought her home a few hours later, walked her to the door, kissed her on the cheek...and walked away. She waited for the sales pitch and I declined. As I said earlier, thanks niggas.

I came home earlier today to get a jump on budget issues and other things for Tuesday, so I disappointed a lot of people. But not myself. (How's that for a Doogie Howser assed ending?)

Peece and Wuv,


Chubby Chocolate said...

I quickly stopped by your blog before I head out to my "Sunday, don't have to go to work Monday" Festivities. You're hilarious. But you're learning! Good Boy! :-)

My-Conscience said...

Bravo..Bravo! I am proud of you. You have to look out for you before you can look out for yourself.

You are indeed learning from your life experiences. Sounds like you are going to be a good boy soon.

toneec42 said...

Well Zed, what can I say? You actually proved something to yourself (and that's the only person who counts). I am not surprised in the least that you are this man.

toneec42 said...

P.S Thanks for making me smile. Keep it up; there will be a reward for you.

Didi Roby said...

Wow! I don't even know you and I am proud:)

I am passing through, saw you on tonee's spot and thought I would visit:)

I love how you were tempted though. You know that happens everytime we make a decision:)

But you handled yourself well...I bet you fisted yourslef though...tell the truth:)

Disco said...

wow Zed....looks like you've created quite a following judging by all the responses... :-) All I can say is....I'm ya dog and I'm MAD that I didn't get a chance to see your ass and that you DIDN'T even call me back when I left that message *o.k., rant over*

But on the bright side.... hee hee, i guess you are learning... good job!