Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Munkeefood, Part 2: Disdain of Authority Figures

Hey Peoples, this ya boy again, waxing poetic about the things that sustain me. To people that know me this comes as no surprise but I absolutely hate ANY authority figure, across the board. I gives a fuck if you're a coach, a teacher, a supervisor, or an older sibling. Believe me I hates yo' ass. The only authority figure I recognize as a necessity is parent, because heaven knows I don't want responsibility for raising your little bastards. I got this thing honestly though. My old man is the same way. He has always taught me to fight for the underdog. He told me that he organized a protest against the management at Chrysler when he worked there, protesting the unfair demands that they were putting on workers. He was in the management training program at the time! He got fired and that same day he found out my mother was pregnant with me. That my friend is a fucked up coincidence.

I grew up with the strong belief that if you were an authority figure, you either don't know shit or you sold out. Either way I couldn't respect you. Fuck that.

I have constantly worked to undermine and belittle every authority figure in my life. Every job I've had, I've tried to show them up, question all their decisions, find a better way to do things than the way I was asked to do them, and in most cases go over their heads constantly to establish a rapport with their bosses. I get promoted, then I undermine my new boss. The theme is always the same, the emperor is butt-assed nekkid.

I have always managed to develop an almost visceral response to the bullshit management. My body would produce excess bile for me to spew and my mind would produce unending maliciousness to usurp them cats. I would stay awake at night plotting on muthafuckas because I believed that the clueless must be punished. Yeah, that shit is sorta sick.

In my current job, you guessed it muthafuckas, I'm second in command. Only one slot to move up. You'd think this would be pretty easy to manage, right? Only one muthafucka to undermine so I should be able to do that in my sleep. I forgot one thing about being in this position: there are 56 muthafuckin' niggas just like I was, trying to knock me off!

I got another problem. I fuckin' like my boss. This guy is cool than a muthafucka. His style is the complete opposite of mine and it works. He's an anal retentive detail oriented muthafucka, all I see is the fucking forest. I ain't seen a tree in years. This nigga is big government. "What can we do to help?" I'm Mr. "Let them muthafuckas fend for themselves except in cases of extreme distress". He's prudent and I'm a fucking loose cannon. That shit works like a charm.

I still don't like authority figures. When I give orders to staff I even find myself thinking, "Are you just gonna take that? Pussy!"

That's another one of the things that makes me tick.

The Mighty Underdog,


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Disco said...

WOW. You know that I fel the SAME way man...I have ALWAYS hated being told what to do..... :-)

Chubby Chocolate said...

I feel you, although I'm more like your boss.I'm the most anal, detailed, analytical person I know. I scare myself sometimes....You had me dying about the "Are you gonna take that?" bit. I had to close my office door.

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Knockout Zed said...

I fucking hate the man!

More than the man, I hate that fucking word verification shit!