Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Exit Strategy

Hey Fellow Munkees, I'm back. You know, I never thought that I'd be updating this thing so regularly, but this "fish outta water" thing is chock full of material for me. In addition, this entry is a Batshit update and y'all luv that crazy shit.

So I'm over Batshit's house, right? She's packing. She'll be out of the country for about 10 days on business, so I'm keeping her company while she's getting ready. I'm washing dishes and shit, putting clothes in the dryer, real domestic shit. Batshit asks me "Is this what married life is like?" I say "Pretty much. It's very tedious, especially if you don't have kids. Y'all just sit around looking at each other and keeping stuff around the house orderly. On weekends, you do home improvement projects. " She asks "Isn't that boring?" I say "Yep. I used to find things for us to get into after work just so we wouldn't be looking at one another all night waiting to go to sleep." Batshit says "Do you think you'll ever get married again?" I say "No. I don't like marriage. The only reason I would ever get married again is to have children. I think kids deserve two live-in parents. I hate marriage."

My last statement galvanized her resolve to get me the fuck out of her life forever. "We can't be together. I know where I stand in your life. I'm just something to do until you meet more women." How astute, you raving loon. The rest of the night she spouted observations about the way we interact and how it's not going to work. I heard about how I'm a heathen, how I'm emotionally detached, how I somehow don't measure up. "You're always fucking me. You don't know how to make love." "I know how to make love to women I love" I thought but dare not speak aloud for fear of a pot of hot grits being prepared. I remained silent, mostly.

We went to bed around 12:30 and of course it was ON. I woke up this morning, dick throbbing but nonetheless, happy. I believe I've been given an out and I think I'll take it. I've got 10 days to see if this Jayne Kennedy thing is the proper way to go. Y'all need to wish me some muthafuckin' luck.

Floss After Every Meal,


Disco said...

mayne. lookie here NEED to take this as a' REAL...and I would sho hate to visit you in the burn unit at U of M, so I'm glad you didn't say that either!! LOL

Chubby Chocolate said...

Good Luck, although I have a strange feeling that won't be the last of batshit...

Anonymous said...

your life is a good Eric Jerome Dicky boot and I not wait until the next page is produced

Anonymous said...

Sorry forgot to proof read.... Private Education didn't work :)

brooklyn babe said...

Lol. I see Batshit got my email, but did not follow thru, she still ended up sleeping wit cha'....lmao.

Now you "had" an out, but you ended out "bumping" it.
Sex + Emotions + Emotionless + Hard On = Slashed Tires

Or so you hope not.
Enjoy your next 10 days of Freedom!

Knockout Zed said...

You'll have to come visit my ass to listen to my rotten ass stories, a la The English Patient.

Batshit probably won't go quietly. She's called my ass 4 times today. I'm talking to her as I type.

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoy it

BB, if my tires get slashed it'll be the cheapest repair I've had to make all year on that piece of shit.

Melle Mel said...

Zed...I'm with Ms. Chocolate, this is definitely not the last we will hear from Batshit. In fact I'm willing to bet your 5 whole dollas!

Pamalicious said...

I had to come home and read this - no use in losing my job due to the loud uncontrollable laughter.

twin said...

my dog, u have failed your boy again you should have hit it just to see if you could. there is no out you will be hitting it for a long time, watch out be with child just to get married and be with you

toneec42 said...

Zed honey,
What am I gonna do with you? You don't really think this is the last you'll see of Batshit, do you? Take the 10 days and run far away, far, far away man. When she comes back I'd be inconveniently in meetings all the time. Otherwise you just might end up trapped.