Yesterday was a weird day for me. I got interviewed twice by these two bullshit little newspapers about some stuff the city is doing and my role in it. One interview had to be the most unprofessional shit I've ever been a party to. The reporter was talking about her personal financial situation and how this freelancing job doesn't pay her enough. Ridiculous shit. In the afternoon I had to go to a training session that had to be designed for monkeys (not munkees!). I sat at the front of the class and dozed off. I'm sleep deprived, man.
I also have an interview scheduled today with a doctoral student on some of the finer points of my profession. When I met her a few weeks ago two things stood out: She's from the Motherland and she's got an ass like two FIFA certified soccer balls. Today might be better.
I know what I do for a living and I know that I've been doing it for the past 12 years. I always wonder why the fuck do they wanna talk to me? I'm just a kid. It takes time for me to remember who I am to people viewing me externally.
I was talking to a friend about this phenomenon a little while ago. This feeling of "playing grown". As old as I get, I still get the feeling that I'm playing dress up when I put on a suit. I feel like a fuckin' kid with responsibility thrust upon me in a lot of instances. Muthafuckas really depend on me for some life altering shit. I'm so detached from most of it. Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. "Gotdamn, I'm grown!" Thirty fuckin' five years and it still hasn't really sunk in.
So when I read Robert Mack write something like he's 27 and still feels like a kid, I laugh. Because that shit doesn't necessarily fade when you get older. I talked to my father about this same phenomenon last Thanksgiving. My father is 59 with 4 kids and has been married for 37 years. He was talking about Motown (the record company) and how he used to idolize Smokey Robinson and The Miracles. "We just went to see him in concert a few weeks ago. I felt like I was a damn teenager again. It's funny. I have close to the same mindset I had when I was a teenager, then I look in the mirror and I'm a old ass man."
I also have an interview scheduled today with a doctoral student on some of the finer points of my profession. When I met her a few weeks ago two things stood out: She's from the Motherland and she's got an ass like two FIFA certified soccer balls. Today might be better.
I know what I do for a living and I know that I've been doing it for the past 12 years. I always wonder why the fuck do they wanna talk to me? I'm just a kid. It takes time for me to remember who I am to people viewing me externally.
I was talking to a friend about this phenomenon a little while ago. This feeling of "playing grown". As old as I get, I still get the feeling that I'm playing dress up when I put on a suit. I feel like a fuckin' kid with responsibility thrust upon me in a lot of instances. Muthafuckas really depend on me for some life altering shit. I'm so detached from most of it. Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. "Gotdamn, I'm grown!" Thirty fuckin' five years and it still hasn't really sunk in.
So when I read Robert Mack write something like he's 27 and still feels like a kid, I laugh. Because that shit doesn't necessarily fade when you get older. I talked to my father about this same phenomenon last Thanksgiving. My father is 59 with 4 kids and has been married for 37 years. He was talking about Motown (the record company) and how he used to idolize Smokey Robinson and The Miracles. "We just went to see him in concert a few weeks ago. I felt like I was a damn teenager again. It's funny. I have close to the same mindset I had when I was a teenager, then I look in the mirror and I'm a old ass man."
Me too, Pops. Me too.
KZ
45 comments:
I know exactly how you feel man !! I have recently come to the realization that I am not getting any younger..but I still feel like I am 18. I dont consider myself to be old by any means..but when these 21-23 year old chicks come in to work at my gig and tell me I am old.. I havent figured out how to handle that yet, other than smack the shit out of them (but unfortunately Corporate America frowns on that)
Men and women...two different maturity levels. I felt grown when I turned 16, felt like I had grown up responsibilities too. For me I look back on my life and wonder where my childhood went. I rarely feel young anymore...everyday I see a difference...everyday I feel old as hell!!!
I hear you. Yes, Zed you are really grown. I finally actually felt like I was really grown after I bought my house 4 years ago. Mind you, at the time I was 38, divorced and had two kids at the time.
i'm 'bout to go play dress up right now and play the role of a tv producer...it makes me giggle more days than not.
i look at my parents who still have a very juvenille relationship i should say, filled with silly mid day phone calls and my mother fiening jealously when he's not by her side and i think they too are playing dress up.
i never ever wanna lose this feeling. it's what makes me smile when the rest of the world is frowning.
this is the biggest one i've pulled off yet. acting all grown!
i've felt "grown-up" since i was 17. i think this is why i rushed and got married.
the older i get though, the more i feel a sense of freedom. i'm having more fun now than i ever did. and as i always say, responsibility stinks sometimes.
I can relate. I don't feel like I thought I would feel like in my 30's. To me, I'm still the same kid that gets excited about hip hop and loves fart jokes. LOL
@1 in
When I ride out, bumpin' sounds, leanin', I have to remind myself that I'm not a teenager anymore. Women remind me of that all the time.
@CG
Are you looking forward to being married? Soon?
@RD
I'm steeped in immaturity. I wish I could have felt grown at 16. I know I'm getting older, I just don't FEEL old. I feel my age at the gym and that's about it.
You make me wanna do grown up stuff to you just lookin' at ya!!!
@Chele
You see what I'm sayin'? You pushed two lives through your birth canal and it took buying that house to make you feel grown.
@Miss Ahmad
It's hard for me to stay serious when these so-called
"grown people" that work for me are so juvenile.
We can act grown together. Play "doctor" and "house" and whatnot.
Being a producer is such a grown up job!
@Aqua
I expected more women to feel grown than men, just due to our natures. Those are definitely some grown women lips.
@T Cas
That's what I'm sayin'. I'm the same ignant ass young cat that laughs when someone says "wood".
KZ
Maybe it's because you don't have any kids (do you?). I think kids mature you..that's why I don't want any.
WHen i was 17 I was like man i cant wait to be grown..and 10 yrs later...im GROWN but i wish i could be about 21 right now...not a care in the world..still shaking my ass...im still shaking it now.but gravity is not my friend.....as a 27 yr old i give them young bitches a run for their money......and the young boys LOVE me....too bad I dont love them. I hope I grow to be as youthful and preserved as some ppl. U know they say NEGROS age gracefully.
@L and TV
If I had kids, I'd be forever young. Because I'd kill myself.
@Illnana
Baby, you're only 27. You have the right to still be shakin' your ass. I'm an old man and I wanna floss, stunt and show out!!!
Gravity IS STILL your friend. I've seen pics.
KZ
Once again I know what you are saying...I just took my "sounds" out of my truck.... I cant handle all of that "racket" any more.
umm playing doctor sounds good to me. whose the patient?
Ok...I just had this conversation YESTERDAY with someone over lunch. Like I don't FEEL any older but dang I am 35. My older son frowned at me when I was rapping the other day "I.don't.know.what.ya'll.been.told.But I gotta get-get me a big bank roll.....Go to church, start listenin' and get on the right path....Stunted on ya, ya stunted wrong ya get it in ya or get gone
Live fake, you'll die fake, that's just the way it goes ...I'ma gangsta, young n*^%&^, so I keep my mouth close...My ears and eyes open, so I can focus on the shyt around me...I know they gon' down me, but all I wonder is why in the f*^& do they come around me"
Dat lil African looked at me, rolled his eyes and said...."I'll be so glad when you get old enough to not like hip-hop/rap and the new stuff on the radio."
why are my lips always in your comments ? ;)
when i was 19 and had my first "office" job, someone who was what i thought really old at that time, looking back I think she was about 30 told me that you never really feel old.
people just start treating you differently...
if that means people stop buying me things and taking care of me...i never ever ever wanna grow up!
Grown people's Checklist:
1. Job (check!)
2. House (check!)
3.Married? (yup, check on that too!)
4. child.(YUP! Check!)
5. Parent older than 65 (fo sho, check!) ( I made that one totally up, but it's kinda logical..)
I will be 36 in LESS THAN two fucking weesk and I STILL FEEL LIKE ZED DOES!
And I am a WOMAN, so, I have to disagree with RD, NOPE, it has nothing to do with the gender. Gotta disagree with Chele, NOPE it has NOTHING to do with buying a house. And also gotta disagree with Liquor & TV.... I got a kid and I STILL looka t him everyday and think "damn! I am somebody's MOMMA". So that don't do it either!
And for ethe record, I have NEVER, EVER,EEEEVER been one of those "silly chicks". Meaning, I have as long as I can remember, from age 13-14 at least, felt more mature than those my age. I was never goofy, silly and really didn't care for kids my age (male or female) who acted in that way.
BUT.
I STILLLLLLL, TODAY, feel like Zed. I do NOT feel "grown". Don't know how much "growner" I can get but I soooo do not FEEL like I am on the down side of 30 right now! I remember looking at 36 year olds and thinking DAMN, they are GROWN (and old) at like age 18! And I can remember 18 like it.was.yesterday. For real. My baby niece (who ain't a baby and just turned 24 a week ago) still reminds me of just how much time has passed. I remember (though I was young as hell) changing her diaper and bathing her and doing her hair as a 3-4 year old.
It's crazy man, but for me.... I LOVE rap and I rend to bang my Biggie or my Tribe Called Quest too, and then I look over at someone and "feel" old when it's a 16 year old looking back at me like "what the hell YOU listening that that for".
Oops, sorry young blood.... I am NOT dead! LOL
So, I can see how our parents feel now. For my Mom, these 36 years of my life have FLOWN by, I am sure. As will my son's (who is 2) for me.
But I do not EVER want to feel old, though nor do I want to be that 56 year old groovin to Biggie, embarassing my kid talking bout "this was my JIZ-ZAM!!!!!" LOL
Me & Zed have talked about this topic at length as well, and for us.....grown may take a lonnnnng time so sink in.....and ain't NONE of the typical shit done it for me thusfar....
(sorry for bloggin in your comments dawg :-) but you KNOW I feel you........)
@1 in
You know what's funny? One of my all time favorite rap groups, Public Enemy, used to upset my parents the most. "It all just sounds like random noise." I bullshit you not, I was listening to "It Takes A Nation..." the other day and I shut it off 'cuz the noices were bugging me.
@Miss Ahmad
Are you flirting with me? 'Cuz if so it sounds like "plane ticket time."
@Newy
There was a time when me and my parents listened to the same thing. Somewhere after "Rapper's Delight" it changed. I think until something is invented usurping hip-hop, we're pretty much working with the same genre as our youth. That little man is gonna have to get used to it! We're sharing!
@Aqua
'Cuz they're always on my...mind.
@Mariposa
Are you just trying to hurt my feelings?
@Miss Ahmad
I remember this old cat at my first job, in which I was an intern for Michigan Bell when I was 16. He was divorced and trying holla at this chick I had my eye on (she was 19). I was heated at this old cat taking my face time (as if she wanted to give my young ass some run).
This old muthafucka was 26 and shit!!!
KZ
thanks Zeddie WEddie :) I also think how OLD i really am when I realize my 10 yr high shcool reunion is and my niece is now the same age i was when i was humping...
you inspired an entry Zed
LOL...Man I'm feeling you. I am so amazed that at the ripe ole'age of 34...people come to me for a job, follow the "paln" I've come up with, follow what I say to do (and it works), FEAR that they did something wrong and may lose their job, look to me to fix their payroll problems, pay me to live on my property and call me for help when they need professional direction or advice.
HA POOR FOOLS!!! If they only knew
Hell, I still eat Cheerios, watch Disney moves (all by myself)and sing all the words out loud, get nervous and fumbally on dates, fear that I might not be liked when I have to make hard/unpopular decisions and giggle at saying the word horny.
Playing grown up is fun when you get to wear the suit, give directions, run the meeting, make decisions and run shit.
BEING grown up sucks when you realize all the responsibility that comes with having the lead in the Play.
I'm still laughing at "she's got an ass like two FIFA certified soccer balls". Zed you crack me up. LOL
I ain't commmenting on age, hell you're as young as you can lie and get people to believe!
Ditto Robyn.
I am the youngest coolest 37 year old you will ever meet.
On second thought after reading all of the comments, I am gonna comment on age.
WHAT THE FUK IS WRONG WITH ALL Y'ALL???
I'm older than err-one of y'all AFRICANS, and hell no, I ain't old!
I still listen to rap and hip hop, hate some of it like some of it. But old school R&B sustains me. I'll ride around in the SUV, with 20" rims, sunroof open, windows down, rocking some serious sounds. With the right partner,I'll dance in the club until they start sweeping the floor. I love all of the so called grown up stuff like,building a house, raising a family, family dinners, Jazz concerts, card parties, theater, whatever whatever whatever. Hell, my daddy is 77 years old and still hangs out every night! So how the fuk do y'all feel OLD???? All y'all 30 something year old mu-fukkers can sit up here and feel all old and shyt if ya want to. I'm gonna still be kickin it at 77.
I hope you all are just feeding off of each other. Don't make me slap all y'all!!!
ps: sorry for calling y'all mu-fukkers, it was meant in a loving way.
:-)
@Mack
I laugh insanely at 3 Stooges shit, when I fuck something up I say "D'oh" out loud, I'm pretty much in a stage of arrested development I think.
Ain't no growing out of this silly shit.
@Robyn
I can't respond to this looooong ass comment!!! As much as we talk about this shit, we should be able to write a book on the subject.
Maybe I'll feel grown with GRANDKIDS.
@CG
I'm not quite ready to propose yet. Can I get a little more time?
@Illnana
Next year is my 20 year high school reunion. The only good part is I'll be the youngest one there since I was the youngest one to graduate.
@Newy
I wanna inspire masterbation!
@Isha
I laughed out loud watching "Madagascar" the other day. I couldn't stop laughing.
I have a staff of 50 and manage a $5 million dollar budget.
What kind of shit is that?
@OneFrom
I had the interview with her earlier. She's from Ghana, she's single, and she's actually working on her Master's. She loves reading and going to the beach. And her ass is pretty special.
@69
Both you and Robyn got kids and spouses and responsibility and shit. All I got is my truck and my right hand.
KZ
maybe I need to get married, have a kid, buy another house...maybe then it will have a reverse affect and I'll feel very young again...maybe I should try that!
Or maybe I should just become a stripper *shrug*
I'm with Robin...although I don't ahve all that she has...then again...all I am missing is the husband....and my daddy is 56.
Either way, you know my situation...moving to NYC has made me grow up and it's been 2 years now, I am an old ass broad! I feel young though....but I'll be damned if I go to the club tryna move with those young chicks...eff that!
I ain't grown...I'm just living in this grown ass body.
@RD
Are you trying to fuck with me intentionally or does it just feel that way to me?
@Blah
Maybe that's the key. I move to a cold ass unforgiving city then, BANG, I'm a grown ass man!
I still got moves. I just choose not to go to the club and show them young cats up.
KZ
As I tell people all the time that ask me how I like my job...it AMAZES me how I am responsible for molding young minds. ME, of all people...it's a hoot. One of my girls was in town this week and she came to my job yesterday and watching me in action, even she remarked -- you're in a whole different world...I love what I do, trust, and being "positioned" as the expert doesn't intimidate me at all. Training for the next steps....but it does crack me up sometimes! HA!
@SJ
I don't know if you ever watch Seinfeld, but there was something on there that rang true.
Elaine was about to fire someone and Jerry said "Ooh, could you put me on speakerphone while you do it?" He wanted a glimpse of his immature friend doing something "grown up". I could see me saying something like that to one of my boys or Robyn.
KZ
Nah (my bad) we were talking about stipping as a side hustle today on email. I got to thinking...why not?
Then I remembered Royce...oh well, you can put your singles back for now LMAO!!!
I know the feeling..I don't feel or act 37...I better start Job just promoted Time for me to start acting grown..lol
@RD
Mr. Royce (that's what I call my future father-in-law) don't have to know about private shows!
@Slish
You know working everyday definitely don't make you feel grown. You just owe everybody. A promotion won't do it. I don't know what will. I'll enjoy it until I don't anymore.
KZ
LOL at you and Madagascar! I firmly believe that those cartoons are NOT for children!!! All of the satire is lost on their little minds! Case in point, the line "Slimy but satisfying" from the Lion King could mean so many interesting things for an adult, but for the kids...it meant eating a worm!
Enjoy the fact that you just have to "Play Grown", staying there eventually requires therapy!
@ one from philly
Awwww see my son hit me with it the other day but I don't FEEL old just wondering why he has me stuck in the "you too grown for that" mold
@OneFrom
Damn!!!! I completely missed your rant!
I don't FEEL old. I'm the 3rd youngest person in the department I'm deputy director of. I feel like a damn kid (not to the extent that YOU do!!! You're the shit!)
I feel like I should be feeling more mature. Shouldn't I? I still wanna laugh and shit at inappropriate times. I'm not right!
@Isha
I've heard a lot of innuendo (sp?) in children's cartoons that are like "what the fuck did he just say?"
@Newy
You're always gonna be old to your kids. When I was 6, my father turned 30. I couldn't even conceive that shit. I used to think 19 was as grown as you could get.
KZ
i feel grown when i put on my church clothes
when i go grocery shopping
pay my housekeeper
and do my taxes, the rest of the time i'm footloose and fancy free (whatever that means)
and umm, i like window seats please!
been thinking about this "playing grown" phenomenon a lot lately. my ten-year highschool reunion is this weekend (yes, im only 28). while i am at a FABULOUS place in my life, i still get a little anxious/excited at what the conversations will be like. i'll be sure to let yall know how that goes...
Love it.
My favorite post this month!
I sooo know how you feel. So what I'm younger than you, but when older colleagues come to me and ask for my assistance/thoughts or if I'm invited to talk some speaking engagement,my first thought is, "What the hell do I know? I'm still trying to align my boobs so my crab eyes won't be lop sided...
Sometimes, I think if these people saw me after hours, they would strip me of my wonderful office/position and demote me to a HIV tester.
@Miss Ahmad
How grown would you feel getting spanked?
@FA
At my 10 year reunion, I was literally two weeks out of my parents house, so that tells you something about my development.
@CC
The "older collegue" thing is still the funniest thing I have to adapt to. If you're around my mother's age and you're asking me for advice or permission, I'm kinda like "Uhh...OK, whatever you want." I'm getting better at being as hard on them as I am people in my peer age range.
If they saw me after hours, I'm likely to be an intern.
KZ
sorry for the rant :-)
I just don't know any old people. I think of old people as bent over, all wrinkled, and senile.
Wait a minute, young people are senile too, so I take that one back! LOL
@mznewagenda, my 15 yr old son also thinks I need to grow up, that is until his friends tell him his mom is real cool. HA!
Dude you ain't nevah lied I don't think I'll ever grow up. Maybe when I have a kid I'll see the world differently until then I'm just a kid especially when my mom comes to visit.
It was probably from a converstaion that went JUST.LIKE.THIS.ONE....that created a light bulb moment in the monds of the owners of a popular store,which spawned a popular t.v. jingle.....
I don't wanna grow up....I'ma Toys 'R Us Kid......
Just sayin...... it fits.
@OneFrom
The likely scenario is that your son's friends think you're the "hot mom" or "MILF" to be politically incorrect.
@Honest
I don't know if it'll change with kids. Ask all these parents!
@Robyn
Them Toys R Us cats are crooks on so many levels!!!
KZ
...I posted this comment on the wrong post...See, this is what comes with old age!!! But what I wrote was...
I definitely feel you on this one. Now that my hair is short, I look in the mirror and see my mother's head every morning (she's had an afro since 1967) Who is that ol lady in the mirror and where did the hot young thing, ChezNiki go?
Oh well I guess its better to get old, considering the alternative...
:-[
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